When October ends

Chapter 4

The rest of the day was pretty normal. But it couldn't be. I couldn't accept the fact that the day I kissed Emily Hart-Lawson was an ordinary day. You may wonder how I know Emily so well because as far as you know, I may be a stalker. I would have thought the same. But no. Our first meeting goes back to 1st grade. I remember noticing her in the front of the class while I was at the back. She had brown hair back then. She was the most beautiful girl in the class. But you must know, the abilty of choosing my dreams with caution doesn't come from yesterday. I didn't know half of the stuff I now know about life back then but this was still part of my mind. Even if I wasn't that smart, I knew that I had still more than 10 times what I had already lived and that I could only grow in wisdom. Yup, that's what was written in my diary. I barely talked to her but then again, did I talk to anyone? She was the closest thing I had to a friend because we got paired up in English for the whole year. But the days, the weeks and the months passed and we got farther and farther away from each other. She probably didn't even notice it because we weren't even friends to her eyes. But I did and I hated it. When we were in 3rd grade, people started noticing her arms and her shoulders bruised. Some day, a teacher decided to get into the affair. She made her talk to a therapist. A day later, the whole school knew she was beaten by her dad. She was in the paper and people would point her all the time. No one was surprised to see the moved schools two weeks later. That's why Emily thinks I don't know her. She doesn't remember me. She thinks we met in high school. Plus, we've never actually "met" in high school before today. Also, when I'm interested in something, I do my researches. I looked her up and I now know everything about her. Fine, call me a stalker. I just found information anyone can see. The main reason she fascinates me is the way she has been through so much but she's still not even showing a sign of weakness. The reason I did it from afar is because I was fearful of rejection. Fearful of not "being her type", not fitting into her category. I'm not gonna lie to myself, even after making this my dream, I don't think I ever was gonna make a move on her.

These thoughts haunt me all day. When the last bell rings, I feel kind of relieved. I get into my leather jacket and my beanie because of the chilly weather. Autumn has begun soon this year. We're still at the beggining of October and the trees are already missing half their leaves. The colors are various from golden to purple. I'm walking home on an old bike track nobody uses anymore. It's the shortest way home, even though it can take up to 15 minutes. But the good side of this is that ot gives me a lot of time alone, to think. I wonder where she invited me to. It could be a date but I don't want to set my mind on this. I keep walking and get home. The house is empty since both my parents don't get off work before 9. I unlock the door.