#TheQueenChronicles

" I Cant Do This Anymore "

After cutting her hair , Alexandra just gave up on everything . It was the middle of treatment and she was ready for it to be over . With all the support she had , she somehow still felt all alone . Its like everybody was telling her how she was supposed to feel and she didnt like . " Nobody knows what it feels like " she said tears rolling down her face . She had found herself crying more now . She wasnt sleeping . She tried to be strong for everybody but everything was just getting hard . She wanted to be normal again . She hated " being the girl with cancer" . All the attention was starting to irritate her .  Thanksgiving was only a week away and this year her family wasnt getting together which wasnt traditional . Alexandra  was going to be in the hospital for hospital anyway for treatment . She was just ready to get all this over with. For some reason this had to be the her hardest week . She was having dreams of her own funeral and it scared her . Just so she wouldnt dream she would stay up all night . 

One particular night, November 19 to be exact.  Alexandra just couldnt take none of it anymore " Bestfriend I cant take this anymore , im tired " she text cree . " Bestfriend you cant give up now , your almost finished " " I Know but im tired ." " I know bestfriend, its okay to be tired , just dont give up please ." cree text back . " Okay bestfriend , Goodnight , I Love you. " Alexandra wanted that to be the last text her bestfriend recieved from her . Alexandra had text a few people saying she loved them and she thanked them for supporting her . Nobody found it odd. Alexandra just knew her life was over and she wanted to speed the process . Alexandra had took her diary and she wrote letters to her immediate family and Cameron since she didnt text him . She sat her diary on her nightstand she knew her mom would read it once she was gone . Alexandra showered and just layed in bed . She text Cameron " I Cant take none of this anymore, im tired " . " Are you okay ? talk to me'' , " Im giving up " she text back . Cameron didnt text back , so she figured he was sleeping. It was getting close to 4 a.m . Alexandra planned on taking a whole bottle of Narco ( pain meds) and just drifting off , her fight was over in her eyes . " God im tired , you know i am " she said as she started to cry . " I cant take this anymore " ... Alexandra picked the bottle with the cap off and just stared at it  . She looked at the time it was 4:40 a.m by this time . She was a emotinal mess . Theres was nothing left on this Earth for her . Why was God putting her through this ? What did she do ? Soon as Alexandra turned around to get out the bed her phone kept going off . " Who is this " she asked her self . she read the text . " Bae are you up " it was Cameron . She cried . " Yes" she replied . " Call Me " he text back . Something told Alex to put the pill bottle up and call him . She called him and eventually  drifted off to sleep .