Author's notes: Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
This one is rated T, and it take place just between 3X03 and 3X04. This was something I really needed to happen on the show but didn't, so I filled in the blanks.
Hope you enjoy and leave me your thoughts!
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She hates him.
She hates him, and she loves him, and she is furious with him, and she is drawn to him.
She wants to slap him, wants to see him bleed, but at the same time she wants him to comfort her, wants to listen to him as he whispers words of reassurance in her ear.
It is two in the morning on another day when her best friend is no longer in this world, and Andy can't sleep.
If she is honest with herself, she hasn't been able to sleep since the day she held Ryan in her arms, begging him to stay with her, to keep fighting for his life.
Because every time she closes her eyes, she can hear the gun fire, and Milo crying, and Ryan's elaborated last breaths, and the monitor's sharp beep, letting them know that his heart is no longer pulsing.
It is two in the morning on her first overnight shift since the last time she talked with her childhood friend, and she already had a workout session at the gym, got the keys and sneaked in there, even though she knows it is not allowed, and she might get in trouble.
Not that she cares. She doesn't care about anything anymore, and her new captain's way of punishing her for disobeying the rules is at the very bottom of the list of things she doesn't care about.
At the gym, she punched the bag hard, over and over again, until the skin of her knuckles became red and itchy inside the gloves.
She already had a shower, the water turning ice cold about half way through, but she couldn't bring herself to move, her limbs feeling like stones that were attached to her body, and she had no control over them. Her hair was lathered in shampoo as she just stood there, the water running over her head, and she thought of nothing, staring into the wall.
And that is how she finds herself creeping on the catwalk, silent like a thief in the night, lurking outside his office.
And it is him again. The man who she feels something towards, something she never felt for any other man in her life, and yet he keeps hurting her again and again, in every chance he gets, it seems.
And somehow deep inside of her, in a twisted spot deep down in the pit of her stomach, Andy knows it will always be him. She will always want the one man who is just out of her reach. She will keep waiting for this man, sending him longing glances across two sides of a big room. She will keep loving him, the man who breaks her heart time after time. She will keep waiting for him to come and pick up the pieces.
She can see through the crack in the blinds that the lights are still on, even though that as battalion chief, he is under no obligation to stay in the station overnight like the rest of them are.
Andy thinks that he might be sticking around to monitor her, to keep track of her, to wait for her to fall apart. It makes her blood boil, the thought of him waiting for her to screw up, like everyone else does.
Or maybe it is just the habit. Maybe he is just so used to spending the night with his team, that the idea of going home to get a good night's sleep is just unthinkable for him.
Andy walks back and forth on the catwalk, trying to get her thoughts in order, trying to prevent herself from doing the one thing she knows she shouldn't. She feels everything, and she feels nothing at the same time, and as she hears the rain falling hard on the roof of the barn, she makes her way to the closed door of his office.
