Framed Sunset

- Frame Ten -

Kageyama was certain, even from a young age, that there was something different about him. Before he was diagnosed, he would always find himself sitting alone at lunch - and even if people did attempt to talk to him, he wouldn't respond. Responding meant danger.

Not by his own volition, he would come home and speak normally to his parents. They were kept clueless. On a few occasions he had tried to explain to his parents what was going on, but they only countered him with their own firsthand experiences with this 'completely normal' fear.

By the time his last year of middle school came about, Kageyama was familiar with panic attacks, yet the severity of each one increased with time. On occasion, he would go a few days without an attack, but when it finally happened, it would completely break him.

His parents decided to shrug it off as general shyness - it wasn't until his first year of secondary school when they finally took him seriously.

"Tobio~ Let's get up and out of bed, you don't want to be late for your first day of high school, do you?" His mother's voice called up the stairs in a calm and easy tone. Her words sounded melodic as she spoke - at least to most people. To Kageyama, however...

In that moment?

It sounded like shrieks or blood-curdling screams with a side of nails on a chalkboard and silverware scraping a plate. It made his ears bleed.

He couldn't move; he knew he couldn't no matter how hard he tried.

Stupid, stupid! Just move, damn it! Get off the floor already! Please, just get up! Why can't I move? I've done it a million times before! For fuck's sake!

He stayed there. He stayed there, curled up in a ball against his wall on his bedroom floor - he couldn't ask for help, he couldn't move. The mere idea of socializing or going to a new place was horrifying, it was like his body went into survival mode against death itself.

"Tobio?" His mother came to the door knocking gently, concern heavy in her voice.

Cold seeped into his fingertips. That wasn't the voice of a worried mother, but the sound of his own anxieties and shortcomings looming over him. Young Kageyama pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his frozen hands around his legs. He put his forehead to his knees, rocking himself back and forth.

That day, his parents finally took him seriously. Then, things changed for him.

After that, Kageyama was never made to do a lot of things. His mother was extremely careful compared to his father, the latter tending to be on the more "tough love" side of things.

The family found themselves missing out on a lot of opportunities due to Kageyama's "setbacks." Setbacks were a term his mother came up with to try and convince Kageyama that he wasn't sick and that it wasn't an illness. The word just made him roll his eyes.

On one hand, he likes having the diagnosis - it makes him feel like he isn't faking it. There's a degree of validation that gives Kageyama the sense of not being entirely alone. Sure, the friendly doctors in their white coats with their perfect, fabricated smiles didn't truly understand, but they acknowledged him. They saw his struggles, and that was half the battle.

On the other, the diagnosis made it seem like 'selective mutism' was just another problem with an easy solution. That was not the case - it almost never was. Ever since Kageyama started living knowing there was something real going on with him, it became apparent just how many things couldn't be fixed.

And even when they were, there were always marks left behind.

"Kageyama."

The photographer jumped. He was in his studio, and he had company.

Kiyoko frowned at her young charge, lifting an eyebrow at the drool trailing from the side of his mouth. "Lost in thought?"

He groaned, dropping his head onto his desk. He was (once upon a time) working on a few small editing jobs before getting sidetracked by his thoughts.

"What are you doing here, Yoko?" He grumbled, ignoring her question. The manager sighed, leaning onto one hip as she stared down her nose at Kageyama.

He was acting a little pathetic.

"Just checking on you. Natsu Hinata's party is in four days, you know. What are you wearing?"

"It's already Monday?!" Kageyama shrieked, pushing himself away from the desk. "I thought it was still Saturday!"

The pretty manager balked. "How long have you been here, Kageyama? Seriously, you need a shower and a plan for the party."

"Kiyoko, how about I just--"

"You're going."

"But--"

"You said you'd go, Sugawara said you'd go, so you're going. No chickening out. This is for your own good."

"I can't believe I let Suga talk me into this," Kageyama whined, pulling at his hair. Butterflies weren't just flying around his stomach - they were clawing and tearing at his intestines. The photographer felt his legs trembling already.

Then, a gentle hand touched his shoulder.

"Tobio," Kiyoko murmured. "Try to stay calm. I'm your manager, I'll be lending a hand the entire time - well... Except for the showering part. I trust you to do that alone. Hitoka would be disappointed in both of us if I had to help you in that regard."

"Why can't Sugawara come, I would feel much better if Shittykawa wasn't the only person I knew in attendance." The photographer continued to complain.

"Akaashi will also be attending Kageyama. I understand this is hard for you, I really do, but your incessant complaining is going to do nothing but give me a headache. You know Sugawara can't go because he wasn't invited." Kiyoko lectured. Kageyama could've sworn she was scowling, but not long after, a small smile lit up her face.

"Now, if you need him so badly, I would be willing to give you Lana's number so you can ask her if he can come along. I don't have the time; being your manager is a lot more work than I think you realize." Kiyoko mused. She ruffled his dark hair just like his sister would.

All Kageyama did was whine, Kiyoko taking it upon herself to grab her things and head towards the door. "If I don't see you out of this room in five minutes I'm calling security to kick you out. I'm going to grab Jim Tortons, meet me out front, I'll take you home."

"...Will you get me a doughnut..?"

There was no response. The photographer sagged forward onto his desk.

In this moment of peace, while Kageyama stared at his fingertips, he realized just how screwed he was.

This Friday, he'd be going to a party. All because he wanted to see if he could reach Shouyou Hinata one more time.

It was a huge gamble.

But it was already showing how much he could grow.

With that in mind, the freelance photographer tidied up his miniature office and met his manager outside the building. Kiyoko arrived within the next ten minutes, the manager actually grinning when she saw her charge waiting for her.

"One more thing before I take you home."

"...Kiyoko..."

"I'm taking you shopping - just to make sure you're ready. I don't trust you to do it on your own."

"Kill me now."