Beside You - Ashton Irwin

17

The rest of the day, Calum wouldn't shut the fuck up about Becky, not even realising that Eddie wasn't here. At lunch, he sat with Tori, Becky and the rest of their group. To say it simply we felt ditched. I was dreading going home today and was even contemplating asking the boys if I could have a sleepover at one of their houses. I stared at the cafeteria food. The cheap lasagna looked as dreary as everyone's faces at the table. To us, it was like we had lost 2 of our best friends. 

I looked up to see Mikey playing some game on his phone, Luke pushing his food around his plate and Ashton just staring at the table Calum was sitting at. I looked in the same direction Ash was looking in, and saw Calum, with Becky on his lap, laughing while being in deep conversation with Tori. Next to Becky and Calum, I saw Rory on her phone. I pulled out my phone to text her, getting her number that day after crying in the toilets.

Me: Hey, it's Andy P. U ok?

I looked back up at the table where Rory was seated, she looked at her phone confusingly then her eyes searched around the cafeteria room for me. She spotted me and gave me a weak smile. She nodded her head so only people who were directly looking at her could see. I turned back to the boys just as the lunch bell rang. We had a free period after our English class so we had all collectively decided we would go home early. Mikey had offered me a ride home which I gratefully took. Our English teacher glared at us as we walked through the door, 5 minutes late to class. He looked down at his roll then back at us. "Clifford, Hemmings, Irwin and Pentworth, you're all late, sit down. Hemmings this is the third time this week you've been late to class. Stay behind after class. The rest of you are lucky." 

I nodded at the teacher and sat down next to Luke. "Hey..." He looks at me then back at his desk. "Ok class, can you pull out Hamlet and open your notes from the last lesson." Since this was my first lesson, I didn't have any notes. So I secretly hoped he wouldn't pick on me to answer anything. I had written a paper on Hamlet, so I tried to wrack my brain for anything that was relevant to the girl who was standing up and speaking. "Pentworth, do you think Hamlet was a hero?" I gulped and stood up. My paper wasn't on anything about this. So I did what I did best apparently, lie about a bunch of important shit."

"No. Hamlet was not a hero." He stared at me. "Could you possibly give me a reason why?" I looked at the floor then back at him. "In theory, what he wanted to do was noble, avenging his father's death was something that looked courageous and valiant. But then his power goes to his head and he becomes deranged. He is driven by his outrage and soon becomes corrupt because of his friends and family. The way he responds to the evil that surrounds him cannot be considered a heroic act. Throughout the play, Hamlet realises his biggest flaw, which is focusing on his mother's guilt with the whole situation, which plays an important part in him going insane. 

At the beginning of the play, Hamlet is a good person. But by the end, because of the lies, he has been fed, and how mentally hurt he is after Gertrude has died, he becomes evil. So to answer your question. No, I do not believe that Hamlet was a hero, but some might see him as a tragic hero who destroyed his life because of the people surrounding him." The whole class was silent. "Miss Pentworth. I'm shocked. I couldn't even put it better myself." I nod and sit down back in my seat. "Miss smarty pants over here," Kyle says loudly so the entire class can hear him. "You're just mad because she's going to Harvard," Mikey yells at Kyle. I feel my face start to heat up and I try to focus on the small dents in my desk. By then end of the class, we say a sombre goodbye to Luke as he awaits his pending doom, probably to clean the male bathrooms for a week. Mikey, Ash and I walked towards Mikey's car in the parking lot. I sat in the back while the boys sat in the front.

As we pulled up to the house, Mikey looked back at me. "Tell Eddie we all love her ok? And- And that we're all here for her?" I nodded, thanked him for a lift, said goodbye and climbed out of the car. No one was home, besides Eddie, who I assumed was in her room. It was only 3 pm but I was so exhausted, I could sleep anywhere at this moment. I put my bag near the front door and tip-toed up the stairs. I knocked on the white door of Eddie's room and waited for a response. "What?" 

I heard a cracked voice and opened the door. Eddie sat on her bed, tissues covering the quilt. Her eyes were red and swollen. I felt like absolute shit. This was all my fault. "H-Hey?" She rolled her eyes and started crying again. I walked over to her and tried to hug her. But she pushed me off. I stood there, internally panicked for a second, then sat at the end of her bed. "Wh-Why didn't you follow me home? I needed you today Andy, even if I'm really pissed at you." I looked down. The realisation of how bad a friend I was hitting me. "I-I thought you wanted to be alone?" 

She chuckled quietly. "Alone from the boys? Yes. Alone from my best friend after my heart got shattered? Never." I was so close to bursting into tears. "I-I didn't have many friends in New York, I-I don't know how to do this? Do I get you Ice-cream? Like the movies" I could tell her mood instantly changed. She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You have to make this WHOLE thing about you? Don't you?" I feel a tear roll down my face. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I fucked up." I got off the bed and shut the door. I stepped slowly down the stairs, scared that I had not only lost Calum as a friend, but my soul sister as well. I opened the freezer and pulled out some Ben & Jerry's to use as a peace offering. I knocked on the door and put the ice cream and a spoon at her door. "I got you ice-cream?" I walked back down the stairs to the living room to let Eddie be alone from me since she was definitely very extremely mad at me.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Eddie's eyes were still swollen and red and her nose was stuffy and red. Laura and Vano didn't know what to make of the situation so they both probably mutually decided to let it be for now. I actually respected them for this. I knew that it hurt them to see their baby girl crying, but not interfering with the situation was probably the safest idea. I remember the weeks where I was in such a depressive state from Landon dying, and how I cried every day, but I knew that if my mom had tried to talk to me and get involved, I would have snapped. 

I knew that at that time she was going through the same thing, she had just found out that her son had died, and she never got to say, goodbye forever. I followed Eddie to her bedroom to get my clothes, I decided I would sleep on the couch tonight, not wanting to invade her space. I picked up my PJs and my pillow and a blanket and started to walk out the door. "Where are you going?" Eddie asks quietly. I looked at her then looked at the floor. "Please know, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. And I know sorry doesn't cut it, but I fucked up real bad and I'll do anything to make it better. Also I'll sleep on the couch." She looked me in the eye, a single tear rolling down her face. 

"As much as I don't want to be nice to you right now, my mum would kill me if I made you sleep on the couch, sleep in my room please?" I shook my head, then paused. "I-I'll sleep in here, but..." I didn't know what to say so I got changed and climbed under the covers. "I forgive you, you know that right? My heart just hearts. A lot." I nod, then realise she probably can't see me. "Yeah... I love you, Eddie. You're my sister." There was silence for a bit, then Eddie spoke up. "I love you too Andy, sleep well."