Starstruck [H.S.]

Deepthroat

I flopped around to find my phone. After turning the alarm off I decided to take a shower. April would be here soon. We were planning on getting ready, and then taking the kids to eat before the concert started. 

I hear Elizabeth and Evelyn walking around in the suite as I start the shower. "Girls!" 

They both come running in. "Come on. We can all get in the shower together." 

The shower in here is massive. The three of us fit comfortably. 

After we showered I wrapped myself in a fluffy robe, and helped the girls with their hair. Evelyn's I braided in two long Dutch braids. It hung down to the top of the sparkly skirt she insisted on wearing. I've always been jealous of their hair. Evelyn's grows like a weed and she won't let me cut it. Elizabeth has naturally curly hair, so thick and beautiful.  I helped her to style it. 

April arrived as I was curling my hair. 

"Oh my fucking god. This place is amazing." 

"I know…" I looked over the mirror at her. 

"Did you see the basket in the living room?" 

I shook my head. "No…" 

"Spa passes for tomorrow for all of us. The works. Facials, Manis and pedis, hair… it looks like I'm meant to take the girls on a shopping spree. You're going to hang with him tomorrow night…. Oh and he has something special planned for Sunday night." 

"Jesus. I can't accept all of this April. This is too much." 

"Girl. Stop. Let him spoil you." She bumps me with my hip. "He obviously likes taking care of you." 

"I can't compete with all of this." I gesture around myself wildly. 

"Just give him you girl. You are priceless." She's saying that because she is my person. 

I took a shaky breath. "I'm fucking terrified." 

"Breathe." April walks over to me and takes my hand. She recognizes the signs. She knows me well enough to know I’m about two minutes from a full blown panic attack. Because I’m in my head. I’m trapped and I can’t get out. My thought are swirling around so quickly it feels like my brain is fucking swimming. 

I could not be having a panic attack right now. "Fuck." My head starts spinning uncontrollably. My mind running through all the scenarios that could happen at a million miles a minute. I sit down and put my head between my knees. Trying to catch my breath. It's not working. It’s not fucking working. Go to your happy place Pen. It will be okay. Think of calm. Think of breathing in air that smells like rain and trees. Water rushing in the background. Sand at your feet. You’re okay. You’re okay. 

My phone started ringing. April picked it up. "Hello? Oh hey Harry. Ummm hold on." 

"It's Harry. He wants to talk to you." 

I looked at April with wide eyes. "Ape… I'm having a panic attack… I can't talk to him…. I can't even breathe…. Tell him I'm in the shower…." Everything that was wrong with me just kept circling in my head. Like a fucking proverbial loop. 

"She's in the shower." April lied. 

"He heard you. He's kind of insisting I give you the phone." 

Okay Aspen. Pull your shit together. I took the phone with shaking hands. "Hello." My voice comes out quivering. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Baby, I can hear your voice shaking. Talk to me." 

"I eat meat." I blurt out. My words flying out of my mouth before I can even comprehend what is happening. "I really love meat. I love animals. Always wanted a bunch of them. But I eat meat. I'm allergic to cats. You like cats. I think you may possibly have a cat. I have two kids. I don't make lots and lots of money. I can't ever take you to Croatia...or like somewhere else super fancy. I cuss too much. I have too many tattoos for most people, and I'm kind of addicted to them. I'm 30. Not like a young 30. I'm like the real 30. Where if I stand up too fast my bones start popping and it sounds like I have firecrackers in my pants. I have past relationship drama. A lot of it. It's bad. I have PTSD…  I am seriously lacking in coping skills. Obviously. I get jealous. Horribly jealous. I have horrible fucking breath in the morning. I ramble when I'm fucking nervous. And I have panic attacks. Bad ones. Like right now. I'm having a hard time breathing. I told you I eat meat right? Because I feel like that's a deal breaker for you. I have horrible road rage." My breath was coming in gasps. I was shaking. Completely petrified. "You scare the shit out of me Harry."