Starstruck [H.S.]

I meant what I said

"PEN! HARRY'S ON ELLEN!" Emma screams from outside my office. 

I jump in my chair. Jesus she's obnoxious. I walk out to the living room where Emma is sat with her laptop in her lap, Evelyn is sitting next to her and Elizabeth is laying on the floor with her school computer open. 

They are playing some game called burning questions. 

He looks adorable in his green sweater. Ellen goes over a list of questions. Harry answering them as quickly as he can. I love how slow he talks. Like he honestly has to think before he answers something. He's never careless with his words. 

"Are you seeing anyone?" 

"No." That's his quickest answer. He hits the buzzer and she asks the next question. 

I try not to take it personally. Even though the firm no is like a kick in the heart. It hurts even though it shouldn't. I feel selfish for getting upset. But I am. My feelings are hurt, he didn't just say I am. 

Harry is an incredibly private man. I've known that since the day I met him. Our relationship has been a secret for the last 7 months. Part of me thinks sometimes it's because he's ashamed of me. I know that's not the case. I've met all of his closest friends. That little voice in the back of your head is really hard to get to shut the fuck up sometimes. He is so quiet about our relationship because he is protecting me. Protecting my kids. Protecting his privacy. I know these things. But it would be really nice if I could have a normal date with my boyfriend every once and awhile. It would be really nice to post pictures on social media like my friends do. It would be really nice if he didn't have to hide me. 

Emma looks over at me. "Pen…" 

"Schoolwork isn't going to do itself. Evelyn come in my office and color while I work. Let these two concentrate." 

"Okay mommy." 

A video call from Harry startles me out of my daze three hours later. Evelyn is napping on the couch in my office. Elizabeth and Emma are watching TV. Having finished their schoolwork. 

My hand hovers over the phone for a moment. Debating whether or not to answer. I have a deadline I'm going to miss. Because I've been staring at the screen for the past two and a half hours completely blanking on words. I need to concentrate on my word count. I can talk to him later. I'm not avoiding him, I'm working. That rationalization sounds like a lie even to me.

I get the girls in bed and go back to my office. I'm falling behind. This book is due in 15 days and I'm struggling. 

Emma knocks on my office door. I glance up at the clock. Shit, it's past ten pm. 

"What's wrong?" I ask her. 

"Harry called me. He's worried. He says you haven't responded all day." She chews on her lip. "Are you alright Pen?" 

"I'm fine… just really behind. I'm sorry he called you." 

My phone blares. Emma looks at me. "You should talk to him." 

"Love you." I sigh out. 

"Love you too." She closes the door softly. 

I swipe answer and Harry's face fills the phone screen. His smile overtaking his face. "Hi baby." 

"Hi." I say softly. 

He knits his eyebrows together. Showing his concern. "What's the matter?" 

I remove my glasses and rub my eyes. "Nothing. Just behind on a deadline, and tired." 

"Do you want me to let you go?" He asks softly. His gentle green eyes look disappointed and sad. 

"No. I need to take a break anyway." I slip my glasses over my nose and shut my laptop screen. I carry my phone with me into my bedroom. Trying to get my mind to shut the fuck up. He called. He's been calling on and off all day. He cares.