Devil Inside (Ben Bruce)

10

"Will you ever come back here? " I asked Ben. 

We were currently on Skype for the first time. I'd asked him to do it several times before, but he always said that he couldn't. And after two weeks of begging, he finally said it was okay. 

"I don't know. Probably not. I mean, you're one of the only fans in town after all. " He kept looking back, as though someone would walk in. "But I mean, that's for you to debate with management. " 

I shook my head. "No, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. "

There was a long pause in which I was sort of just looking at the screen while he looked around. He ran his fingers through his hair. He pulled on it. "Fuck, why is it so hard to ask? " He whispered. I heard it though. 

"Ask what? " I cocked my head. 

"We're going to New York tomorrow. If I pay for your ticket and fly you out, will you please come? "

"New York City? " I tried to contain my excitement. 

"Yes."

"And I'll get to see the show? " 

"Right up against the stage. " 

"Fuck yes! " I shouted. I bit my lip as I kicked myself, hard. "I mean, of course. " 

"Are you serious? " He asked. 

I nodded aggressively. 

"Even if I told you it's a date? " 

I hesitated. I don't know, it may as well be. We'd grown increasingly closer as the days had gone past. I found myself going from asking him how the show was, to trembling every time I texted a message. I'd begun to wait by the phone for his next message.  And every time I saw an image of Ben that I used for reference, my heart fluttered. It pounded in my chest while I drew him, the images becoming increasingly more realistic. "Even if you told me that it was a date, " I finally said. 

"Great, I'll see you there then. " He looked back, and Danny came bounding in, intoxicated. 

"Oooooo, you're talking to heeeeeeeerr, " He said like a child. 

"I should go, " Ben said, sounding flustered. 

"Yeah, okay. Bye. " 

"Bye, " He finished as I signed off. I closed my computer lid, and began to get ready for the upcoming flight. I'd bring a change of clothes and some other things. I went up to my bedroom to grab a suitcase. On the way up, I caught sight of the closet under the stairs. I closed my eyes to prevent myself from having a flashback. 

I could still hear it though. The screams. The knife. The blood. 

If only I knew, they could've saved me.

The next morning, I woke up super early because of the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I've never been to NYC before, and I'm so excited for it. But I'm also terrified. As you can imagine, my perception is always just a little bit off. What if the neon lights hurt my eye? What if I run into a pole that's not in what should be my peripheral vision. What if I embarrass myself so much that Ben never talks to me again? What if I get attacked? 

What if I never want to come back?

I still have unfinished business. I can't just up and leave this place. I'm planning on staying for at least the remainder of the year. If I do move, it's going to be hard. It was hard living by myself as it is, but if I have to move again, I think that I might die. 

Then again, it seems so wrong to not fulfill the dying wish of the one woman that took me out of this place. It's my parents' fault that I'm here in the first place. If I stay, then aren't I just conforming to what they want for me? And then why am I even asking for Ben to change me in the first place?