Devil Inside (Ben Bruce)

13

Ben's POV:

Dammit, I miss her already. Why couldn't I have just told her the truth then? That I like her. That I don't want her to leave again. That I wish I could be with her every day and listen to her talk endlessly. That I wish I could sing to her over and over without it having to turn into a huge screwup. That I wish I could watch her pencil slide over a paper like it's the most natural thing in the world with her tongue sticking out just the tiniest bit while she focuses. That I wish I could catch her eye while she gets slammed into the barrier, watching me the whole time. 

Is almost a month too soon to tell her that?

I ran my hands through my hair as I looked at my phone. I knew she was on a plane and couldn't get any messages I sent. So why am I holding it like it might make any kind of difference? Danny walked in and put his hands against the table. I looked up at him, ready for him to joke about me and Lily, but he looked serious. "I know that we don't really talk about this kind of stuff, but I heard what you said about her to Sam last night. Ben, if you really feel that way, why are you waiting forever?" He looked down and then back up at me again. "Look, I know I've been an ass about this, but this time I'm serious. You really need to get with her."

"I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I'm ready," I confessed. 

"Then listen to what your mind is telling you. If it's telling you that you'd be jealous, or that you can't stop thinking about her, then you know."

I looked at him with confusion. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm your best friend. And while sometimes it may not seem like it, I really do want you to be happy." He smirked. "Plus it's getting kind of annoying seeing you heartaching like this all the time."

I crossed my arms. "I'm not heartaching."

Danny raised his hands in surrender. "Whatever you say." He walked away, ending the conversation.

Danny gave me good advice. I guess there's a first time for everything. But I don't know about it. Maybe I should just ask her out on one more date before I try to make her mine.

That night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I wasn't drunk tonight. That usually helped to get me to sleep. It does really suck the energy right out of you.

But I didn't. I wanted to stay sober for my three hour long video call with Lily. I don't think I've ever held a conversation for so long.

I did like that she didn't laugh at all of my jokes like some women do. But when she did laugh I enjoyed it. She had the prettiest laugh. More alluring than even the greatest siren's song. 

I pulled my phone out from under my messy sheets and woke it up. Finding that it was barely one in the morning, I stopped worrying. I'll fall asleep soon. 

But just for the hell of it, I texted Lily. 

Me: r u still up

Lily: yes

Me: At this hour

Lily: You're 1 to talk

Me: what r u doing

Lily: Drawing. Usually helps me fall alseep

Lily *asleep

Lily: and u?

Me: trying to fall asleep

Lily: Not very hard

Me: I'm trying!

Lily: Then turn your phone off. the blue light won't help

Me: oh fine. goodnight

Lily: night

I put my phone back down. I was hoping for a more lengthy conversation than that. Maybe I could just lay here and wait in the darkness for sleep to overtake me. 

Or maybe I could just take a sleeping pill. 

Deciding on the second option, I left my bunk for the bathroom, finding a bottle of sleeping pills. I wonder why we have these anyways? Well, whatever. They're perfect for situations like this. 

But they weren't. 

They weren't sleeping pills.

"Daaaaaaannnnnnnyyyyyy!" I shouted, coming into the front of the van. 

"What is the matter with you?" He asked, grabbing my shoulders.

"Drugs. There are drugs in there. I toooook them by accident and now looook." I pointed to my particularly dilated pupils. "Why did you do that?"

Danny ran his fingers through his hair. "You'll just have to wait the high out. I don't think that there's anything else that you can do."

I groaned as I slumped into one of the leather couches. "Why do you have them?"

"Sometimes, you just need it." He took out a long band of rubber and tied it around his arm, sticking a needle in as he did so. It took me a minute to register what he was doing, but I caught on. 

"Don't you dare ruin Lily," I told him as he put both items away. 

"I won't. You don't know how good this feels."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because," He answered, shrugging.