The group had scraped by four days without much food to sustain them. They had been surviving solely off of fish they could catch barehanded in the streams and berries. They had to sleep every night on the cold, snowy ground, cuddled up together for warmth.
That is, they tried to sleep. The way they slept was Rowan next to Darryn, Aquila next to Darryn and Jesika next to Aquila. And while Aquila and Darryn slept fine cuddled next to each other, it couldn't be said the same for Rowan and Jesika.
On the fourth night, after lots of tossing and turning, Jesika gave up on sleep. She stood and left the group a little, sitting by the stream. She wasn't too surprised when Rowan joined her as she was drinking the clear water.
"Not much luck sleeping for you either, huh?" he asked quietly as he settled down next to her.
She shook her head, looking down at the stream, gazing at her reflection. Does he think I am pretty? She never thought of herself that way. Aquila was the pretty one to her. Jesika's beauty lied in her strong personality. So why do I care what Rowan thinks of my physical appearance?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Rowan cleared his throat. She jumped a little, looking at him. He was looking at her with a curious smile on his face. Jesika felt her face warm slightly.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Nevermind that. It's nothing."
He nodded, letting it go and gazing off into the dark, foggy forest around them. To some it would look ominous and threatening, to Jesika it was alluring and mysterious. Beautiful.
"Are we close to Querencia?" Rowan asked.
Jesika nodded. "Just a couple more days now," she answered.
He was silent a long moment, before quietly saying:
"So... Audric told you his motive."
Jesika sighed deeply, nodding. "It wasn't quite what I expected... I'm not too sure how I feel about what he said either. Part of me hates him less because of it. Knowing he was just a hurt boy who wanted justice. I was the same with the death of my own parents... Yet another part of me hates him even more now. He destroyed my life and still has the nerve to claim he loved me..." she paused, letting out a short, bitter chuckle. She looked at Rowan with a sad smile. "So, I'll need a little to sort out my feelings before I can give you a response that makes sense."
He laughed slightly, shaking his head. "No, it's fine. I totally get it. I would feel just as confused as you do. If not more so."
Jesika only hummed in response, moving her hand through the water. His hand lowered into the water with hers, and as they danced them through the water, they brushed ever so slightly. Jesika felt her heart clench, one of the questions that had kept her tossing and turning screaming in her head. Once again, unable to help herself, she turned to him and spouted it out:
"So, you kissed me."
He laughed, removing his hand from the water and leaning his head back. "Yeah, and you kissed back. I'm not sure which part is more shocking."
Jesika bit her lip, then shook her head, shooing the immature crush feelings. "Why did you do it? You're confusing me so much. And nothing and no one confuses me and gets away with it. I told you I had feelings for you, point blank, and you rejected me with a cold, harsh response. Then, when you were about to get taken, you freaking kissed me. And passionately too. Enough with the lies and the careful evading. Just be straight with me, Rowan. What's going on?" Once all the words were out, she huffed, allowing the nerves to take over and her face to red. She turned to him, gripping his shoulder and pulling until he turned to face her too.
He sighed, lowering his head and raking his hand through his hair. A frustrated laugh came out of him before he spoke:
"I'm so, so sorry Jesika. I hate that I've messed with your feelings like this. But I've only done it..." he looked up hesitantly, meeting her eyes, "because I'm so flipping confused myself." He shrugged. "I don't even know what to do with all of these feelings."
"So... You do have feelings for me?" she asked, arching a brow.
He breathed yet another frustrated laugh, shaking his head. "I wouldn't have kissed you like I did if I didn't," he responded simply.
Jesika threw up her hands, gripping his shoulders and tugging him close. "Then why won't you just be with me?" she said, struggling to keep her voice from raising.
His expression turned even more regretful and sad as he gently removed her hands and leaned away. "It's not that simple, Jesika. I may have feelings for you, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with you. I never even meant to grow feelings for you. If I could turn back time and stop them from developing, I would in a heartbeat."
Jesika felt cold suddenly, and it wasn't because of the brisk, wintry air. She leaned away also, clenching her fists and fighting the lump growing in her throat. "Oh... But... Why? Please answer. Don't leave me completely in the dark like this." She tilted her head, letting a single tear fall. A tear for all they could've been, and all they might never be. "You've got a queen freaking begging you for something, Rowan."
He sighed and stood. "That's just it, Jes. You're a queen. No matter what you want me to call you, you'll always be 'Your Majesty'. You have the weight of a whole kingdom on your shoulders. And don't get me wrong, you handle it magnificently. But I never could." He paused, as the words crashed into Jesika's heart, making her breath stutter. He shook his head, his eyes on the ground. "I advise that from now on you just stay away from me. All I'll ever do is hurt you, and I don't want that... Find someone who can rule beside you..." he paused, his eyes meeting hers once more. Jesika drank in the sight of them for the last time as he said quietly: "Your Majesty."
Without another word, he turned and left, returning to Darryn and Aquila. Jesika turned back to the water, bowing her head and letting all the tears she had been holding back fall. Being a queen had taken every ounce of her energy, her heart, her emotions, her will. It tangled itself in her friendships, her family, her happiness, and now even her romantic life. It demanded more and more and more, never satisfied. She felt like she was drowning in responsibility, the weight of the kingdom pulling her under like an anchor. She could barely keep her head above the water anymore.
The worst of it may be over, but she had discovered just how much of a failure she was at being a queen. Simple as that.
Author's Note
Afraid that's the last you'll see of Jesika. And it's on such a sad note :(
But you WILL see her again :)
It's not the end of her story, just a short break.
There's only one chapter left of this book.
Buuutt... As I write this, CFB is only 4 reads away from 1k. So, after much deliberation, I've decided I want to publish something special to sorta commemorate it and reward the readers who helped get it here.
It was hard to decide what to do, but I chose to do an idea my cousin actually gave me.
A Halloween/horror oneshot with the main cast!!
So look forward to that! I'll be working on it for the next few days. No specific date it will be released, just whenever I feel it's ready. Until then, see you next Saturday for the final chapter.
