Everyone received their soulmate mark on their 18th birthday. It was just your soulmate's name written in their handwriting above your heart, but it allowed you to see who is your other half. Usually, this resulted in an easy relationship with the p...
On the one-month anniversary of Mark and his stupid girlfriend (who was actually very nice and a huge fan of theirs but that doesn't mean he HAS to like her), Yuta was curled under five duvets, eating his feelings and pretending that everything was okay. It wasn't. He was so depressed and the fans were starting to notice.
Halfway through his second tub of ice cream, he remembered that he was way over his calorie limit of the day but he couldn't find it in himself to give a shit. Why should he? Mark was never going to notice if he looked good. Yuta wanted Mark to to find him handsome, desperately. The fans probably had a shallow love for him anyway, he was never the centre of attention so no one was going to notice if he wore a baggier T-shirt or started to dress like a slob. Besides, he had been losing the temptation to feed himself lately, the manager may even be pleased with that development, if they bothered to notice. His logic was very scattered right now. Shovelling the last spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, he reached for the third tub that was melting beside his bed because he anticipated the amount of comfort he'd need on this very bad day.
Yuta sighed because the thought of the manager made him want to die a little bit. They'd, uh, seen the concerns of the fans when Yuta became less and less talkative on interviews, Vlive and any other appearance they made. They seemed exactly the same to him now. Mark would be happy and laughing without Yuta causing it, which just made him feel even shittier. His laugh used to make Yuta's world go round and in a way, it still did because Yuta loved Mark more than anything and always would. However, now he was also reminded of how much Mark would laugh when he had phone conversations with his stupid girlfriend.
The managers were angry at him - not angrier than he was at himself - because now the fans have made edits of every time Yuta has gazed longingly at Mark. These edits were minutes long, how much time did their fans have? Though he still has enough life in him to secretly watch all of the Yumark videos available to him on youtube and post on his fan account, which he admits, is a more than pathetic. Also, he was absolutely terrified, what if Mark saw? They were already starting to drift apart, faster every time he got ditched for Eunji. He really didn't need things to get worse and his sense of abandonment was skyrocketing.
Then Yuta's jumbled thoughts led to a period of hating Mark's stupid girlfriend again, it was three am and almost nothing he was thinking made any sort of sense. Her laugh was stupid. It was so high pitched and if you asked him, he'd say it's fake. No one laughs like that. Seriously, who are you fooling? Mark, apparently. Honestly, Yuta thinks that Mark's feelings are not reciprocated and that Eunji doesn't really like him, she likes dating an idol. Bitch. She clings to his arm all the time and is so goddamn bossy, sure she was nice to everyone but Yuta knows better, this is all an act. She's a horrible attention seeker and he hates her more than anything. That's even more of a lie than her feelings for Mark. Yuta hates the fact that he is so jealous more than he hates her stupid, pretty face.
He worked even harder in dance practice, mainly because it was such a good distraction and he didn't need to talk to any of the members since he was "concentrating". Mark barely even sweats during practice now, that's how many breaks he is taking. He hates himself for being bothered by this, despite having every reason to be. They were supposed to be soulmates and Yuta was denying fate just so Mark could live a stupid lie for a bit longer.
This constant, overbearing sadness was affecting him so seriously now. His lack of sleep and his lack of enthusiasm for eating (unless it was for stuffing his face with ice cream and other junk when he was feeling extra sad) on top of his newfound obsession with dance practices are leading to him collapsing from exhaustion.
Flashback
It was one in the morning and Yuta was by himself in the dance studio, his only company being his reflection that if he was being honest, he didn't want to see. He really wanted to perfect a difficult dance move for tomorrow (well, later that day) so he could impress the instructor (and Mark if he would look up from his damn phone). Yuta had his earphones in, blasting music so he couldn't hear his thoughts anymore and so he didn't wake any of the other members. A thin layer of sweat coated his body and the only audible sounds in the room were the squeaks that Yuta's shoes made and his laboured breathing. He had been here for two and a half hours already, but he didn't feel like that was enough. So, he took a deep breath and started again, choosing to go from the top. Yuta had been panting and his eyes could barely stay open, they were already hurting but the black spots had taken over his vision. That hadn't happened before. He didn't even manage to collect himself or grab a drink, because he had collapsed on the ground, completely unconscious.
Thankfully, he had awoken twenty seconds later but since he was so sleep deprived he reasoned that he could take a quick nap and then wake up to finish practice. Spoiler, he did not. Five hours later, the rest of NCT 127 entered the room, all of them pretending to be more awake than they were. They did not expect to see Yuta sprawled on the floor in fitful sleep. After waking him up, they offered him a coffee (which he drank) but refused to go back to the dorms to rest. Yuta had dismissed the Mark's concerned words and quickly joined the warm-ups, slightly flustered.
End flashback
He wanted to go to sleep, cry and escape from the crushing feeling of unreciprocated love, but that feeling kept him up at night. He could never have a good nights rest anymore, therefore he also got to look like shit all the time. Yuta wanted to cry every time he looked in the mirror. His eye bags were so dark and he had to use more and more makeup to cover them everyday, despite his binge eating, his ribs were starting to poke out and his back was so hunched, he looked so dull, like a zombie. Yet, despite all these changes, no one noticed. Definitely not Mark, who was supposed to be his best friend. Whatever, as long as he is happy, Yuta doesn't mind killing himself slowly.
A/N: Please consider voting or commenting if you enjoyed this chapter, it really means a lot. :))
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