Cherchant (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Prologue

Author's note: This is a Kylo Ren x Reader story. It is a story about what could have been if Kylo Ren had lived at the end of TROS. Rey is a main character but this is not a Reylo fanfic. It contains lots of explicit content, world building and original characters. Thanks for reading!

— — —

In the darkness of the collapsing Sith fortress, Rey and Kylo Ren had held each other for what felt like an eternity, absorbing the reality of all that had transpired. Palpatine was gone and what strange half-life that had remained of the Sith extinguished with him. They had beaten back the overwhelming pull to the Dark Side and witnessed the true end to a dynasty. The First Order was a writhing serpent with its head chopped clean off.

Against all odds, they had survived.

After meditating together for a time, using the Force to heal their wounds, their eyes opened at precisely the same instant. Without a word they had understood that their brief moment of oneness was a both beginning and an end.

Rey believed she had successfully brought Ben back to the light and thwarted her own battle with dark temptation. Leading up to the battle, her goal had shifted quickly from bringing Kylo Ren to the light to confronting Palpatine and putting an end to his evil intent. There had been no time to contemplate the magnitude of what succeeding would look like. The reality of having accomplished the impossible crashed over her like a tsunami. She wondered what would be left once the destructive force began to recede.

Kylo Ren knew that no matter how far his heart had shifted, how lost his corrupted saber was to the sea, he'd never be free. The weight of his crimes would remain firmly set on his broad shoulders. He knew that he would be a prisoner to his pain for as long as he lived.

Rey did not utter a word of protest when the time came to part ways. Their fingers lingered in a last touch as they savored the pulsing of their Force Dyad in its close proximity. Intoxicating, but not enough to alter their course.

— — —

Rey returned to Ajan Kloss to celebrate the end of the war with what was left of her family. So few had returned. To arrive on the moon without Leia there to welcome her back was excruciating. As if piling onto her own visceral grief she felt Ben mourning his mother's death across the great distance separating them.

With the passage of time her pain eased but even so she felt herself growing distant from her peers. Her closest friends, Finn and Poe were inseparable. When spending time with them, she often felt as if her presence was as a dark cloud hanging over their potential for happiness.

The mechanisms of the Resistance had greatly shifted following the end of the war. Everything was changing. She strongly believed that her role in the war had been fulfilled. She found herself uninterested in the activities of the Resistance as it shifted from war to politics. Instead, Rey found solace in mediation, training, and working on the Falcon with Chewie.

Time passed.

— — —

Kylo had long ago hidden a stash of supplies and prized possessions on the planet Lok while on a mission with the now deceased Knights of Ren. He had never trusted Snoke or the First Order. He had hidden away many doubts and plots from them. His ship descended to a cliffside outcropping that overlooked a vast red desert. Reaching out using the Force he was able to locate the faint beacon signal marking the place. Igniting his old master Luke's lightsaber, he approached. He shifted vegetation to reveal the opening to a cave, recognizing the shape of the chest, covered in debris. He cleaned it off and loaded it onto his ship. It felt good to discard the battle worn and bloody clothing hanging from his large frame. He donned a simple neutral shirt and pants, lightly broken in leather boots, and a weapons holster. He thought of his father fleetingly. A pang of sorrow gripped his chest.

Kylo set a course to a planet called Edoterra. He would be leery of returning to any planet ravaged by the war for the foreseeable future. Edoterra, left desolate by the fall of industry but untouched by the war, had once been a shipbuilding hub. Kylo Ren had not a single connection to the isolated planet of volcanic archipelagos. Nature was reclaiming the ruins of factories dotting the land. The hot springs in the region outside of Okiwaan, once a thriving resort for the wealthiest residents, was now quiet and serene. He had siphoned away enough credits to secure extended lodging in a remote hot spring adjacent villa. He could finally take a breath.

— — —

One random day several months after separating...

"Hello, Ben," Rey said, feeling his presence before opening her eyes.

She basked in the sight of his tall dark frame seated a few feet away.

"Rey," he breathed back across the impossibility that was their connection, choosing not to correct his name.

"It is so good to see your face," she beamed at him. "I've felt the peace you've found on that planet."

The corner of his mouth raised in a small smile at her beautiful eagerness before resuming his brooding default expression.

"And I have felt your restlessness. What is it you need to tell me, Rey?"

"You've felt the Force awakenings too."

After overcoming a slight hesitation, he answers, "Yes, I feel them too."

"Well, I've decided to continue on the Jedi path. To take up Luke's mantle and gather the strongest Force sensitive younglings from across the galaxy. I've decided to rebuild on Ahch-To."

Another beat passed between them, this one long and thoughtful.

"Will you join me, Ben?" She blurted out. "The mission is apolitical and I know that you will be accepted if you stand with me on this path..."

"You know I can't do that Rey..."

With a heavy sigh, "I do."

Tears stinging her eyes, Rey turned away quickly breaking eye contact for the first time. When she glanced back, he was gone.

Rey understood that her path would be a lonely one. She also knew that love would remain a part of her life even if she found success in mastering the Jedi way. She explored the ache in her heart that stemmed from her deep connection to Ben. It was intensified by the space between them. It was holding her back.

Alone after the connection to Rey was severed, Kylo felt a deep hole grow in his core. Reaching deep he mastered the sorrow and felt calm creep back in. He had gotten very good at mediation in his solitude on Edoterra. In his deepest meditative states he would feel the Force pulsing out from pinpricks in space that he knew, without seeing or even fully understanding how he knew, were Force awakenings. The events on Exegol had sent ripples cascading throughout the galaxy.

The intensity of the pinpricks likely had little to do with physical space, or age, or ability. He easily ignored them... but... there was one pesky disturbance that affected him differently than the others. He knew that it emanated from somewhere on Edoterra. Somewhere very near... perhaps even on the island over.

Speaking with Rey had ignited his desire to interact with others for the first time since his arrival months ago. He would never return to Ahch-To or train Jedi but maybe he could find out whose awakening in the Force it was that was becoming such a growing distraction after months of solitude...