Continuing To Heal

Chapter 3: People Watching

Note: Illustration by suf-fering. suf-fering.tumblr.com

How are you doing?" Connie asked Steven as she sat beside him on a bench on the beach. They were enjoying icecream cones and just people watching from a distance.

"I'm fi-" Steven took a breath, "Sorry, still trying to break that habit." Steven had promised Connie to never lie to her again, even if for something as small as saying he was fine if he wasn't. "I've got this paranoid feeling like there's too many people around. It's not as intense as when I had the panic attack, but it is like a couple levels below it. Like the fear they'll all start looking at me or congregating around me."

"Do you want to go back to the house?"

"No. I need to learn to stop being like this." Steven ran his non cone holding hand through his hair in frustration. "You've known me awhile and you know I've always LOVED attention. I'm my father's son; performing is in my blood. I get a high from the attention and showing off and ugh! It's so frustrating!"

Connie put a hand on Steven's shoulder in support.

"It's just like, I **know** that's my identity. I **know** that's who I am but lately, this fear that bubbles up even at the **idea** of too many people noticing me. I hate this so much! It's like I've lost my identity." Steven looked at Connie with pleading eyes, "Who am I now?"

Connie reached out with her free hand to cup Steven's cheek. He closed his eyes and put his hand over top hers. "Steven, I'm sure you'll be that person again. It's just taking a break while you heal." Steven opened his eyes again to look at her. "It's like if you got a bad burn on your arm. You wouldn't be done with baking, but until the burn heals, you wouldn't be taking things out of the oven. The heat of that normal thing would hurt the healing burn just like maybe the attention right now hurts some part of you that's still healing. "

As always when he looked at Connie, his eyes radiated love and trust and awe, "It's so amazing how you can take something I've been stressing about and make it not the end of the world."

"Well, it's listed in the girlfriend's handbook of things to help the one you love. I take my job as the girlfriend of Steven Universe very seriously." She held a serious look on her face for a few moments before pulling him into a cold, strawberry kiss.

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Later that evening, as Steven lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, he thought again about what Connie had said.

**Do you agree with her? Do you think I just need to avoid attention for awhile?**

*I don't know. On one hand, her example was very good but then there's the concept of fear avoidance. If you have a fear of flying, for example, and so you avoid taking an airplane, couldn't that fear grow and grow until you find yourself even scared to see an airplane. Maybe you can ask Dr Hashman when we see him tomorrow?*

***Maybe.***