high thoughts

unfinished text, really bad trip

and suddenly, there i laid, the hard concrete floor underneath and a black sky above. ants climbed my legs, attaching themselves to my skin and gnawing it as if i were but a fallen leaf; it didn't matter, my mind was always elsewhere, perhaps it had been tethered to a ground and time far from now, only returning to me on special occasions. i could see cracks where, throughout the years, the earth had begun to leak onto itself, and the mushrooms stared at me through their eyes granting me the gift of attention.
and so my thoughts began to run undisciplined, having been done the favor of being seamlessly observed by small audience members whose interest relied exclusively on me.
was i alone? someone was smiling at me, i felt it, yet i couldn't find the source. i began to look all around me wondering how the moon managed to brighten everything as well as the sun does.
there were flowers near me resting on a large bush. forgetmenot's. they appeared as little light blue 4-leafed blooms, who hinted the idea that they could change to deep navy whenever they wished; taunting the sight with the faintest transition from a rich indigo to violet strings, that, as they approached the center, intertwined with the ones to the side; eventually merging between themselves, to finally converge and begin to swirl upon a white sphere, until completing a plum iris, which encircled a dark pupil. at the core of every blossom an eye formed; and out of all i could see, not one reflected the moonlight.
i pinched my fingertip whilst trying to rip a flower from the branch it was attached to, and a bloody finger brought the eye at the heart nearer to mine; upon closer inspection, one could notice it moved, as those on humans move when the brain sleeps.
there was the slightest scent; it shifted, grew sweeter and then decayed to an earthy smell. i was appealed, i dropped the flower with blood-soaked petals and carefully grabbed another. the slightest effort allowed me to separate one floral-leaf from the others, enhancing the smell, now reaching my nostrils as an indescribable aroma of nostalgia. driven by that feeling, and desiring to cling to it, i placed the petal on my tongue, upon where it began to dissolve, too fast for me to taste it.
as if i had stood up too quickly my eyes began to blur, and when i was able to see again, the sight had shifted. i blinked, trying to escape this mirage, yet my eyelids were as good as a layer of air, they changed nothing, and i understood that regardless of having open or closed eyes, i was stuck in a mysteriously familiar scene.
someone whose name didn't come to me as fast as the rest of the landscape sat next to me, but i had yet to realize that, before either, milliseconds prior to the appearance of the grass and trees that now surrounded me, and before a name popped in my head, i had been filled with emotion, nothing more than pure warmth. i'm still to decide if i was recalling the first time i had that feeling; god knows i haven't felt it since. i sometimes wake up tangled in the sheets of my bed, disappointedly feeling every limb cold, longing for the heat coming from within i dreamt about, but not even my subconscious can create something that comforting.
i began to wish that my stay there would be permanent, and contrary to my desires the sun beams started to shine whiter and whiter until everything appeared covered by an aura through which i could see nothing, and the blinding glare began to dissipate until my eyes adjusted to see everything was darker; the shining moon was again in the sky.
the next memory came along with the next petal, and my mind began to crave emotion