Thoughts Reigning My Mind

School

Written on October 13, 2020

When I was a kid, I was a normal one. Average to be exact and not minding the competition atmosphere that most adults (should I say parents and society) pay attention to.

I can follow up with the lessons of my teachers. I can cope up easily and my favorite subject is mathematics yet my most hatest subject is science. I am not good with regards those two subjects but I know I can follow.

When I was in kindergarten, I stood place under top 4-7. It was pretty decent, not until it changed.

After graduating kindergarten, I was obviously promoted to Grade 1, I think the root of evil and pressure came.

I am still an average type of student. Still the same, but this time, it's different. I would always have the highest score regarding the main subjects(math, science,reading, english,etc.) To transpose it to its simplest form, I was good in academics.

I lack skills when it comes to skill-based assessments like practical exams. I was not active or madaldal in general and in terms of physical stuff,I'm not good with that.

The pressure rose when I started being 2nd on the overall rank. That is an achievement of course, because of that, I became the representative of class in terms of quiz bees, MTAP and other competitions. But to be honest,papetiks-petiks pa ako noon. I didn't really care, medals and trophies doesn't fascinate me. I prefer having my barbie dolls and toys.

And then when I got into grade 2,things became pretty hectic, I was Top 1, that's why I became a scholar. And with that, my tuitions were fully paid, only the miscellaneous fee is left. My mom was ecstatic. Of course,who wouldn't be.

But I can sense the pressure building up in the atmosphere. My mom would always want me to achieve perfect scores. I remember that I lied to her telling about my score,at first I told her that it wasn't checked yet. But then she sensed the lie in my voice. I finally told it and said I receieved a score of 56/60. She turned back to me, emphasizing that I got 4 mistakes. I was hurt although it's pretty shallow.

Well that happened more and more, when I was in 4th grade,I became friends with other geniuses. They were more active than me but I can say that my academics are really popping off. Their alas were there personalities and they tried to play dirty. But I wasn't like that. And then, my other friend became a youth campaign winner that made her grades slightly up. And during the card-giving, my adviser told my mother that our difference was only 0.2. I was near to having discounted tuition fee but it didn't happen until I got to 9th grade.

7th grade was a huge blast to me. It was a foreign feeling since more students were welcomes to our school. I gained friends-we even formed our cliche, composing of 10 members, but they didn't last long. Our personalities really made a difference and they still play dirty that's why. I was frustrated and angered because I belonged only to the "with-honors" rank. It may be pathetic, but here's the deal. I took that achievement as a basis for dignity, for respect. Becausw I was known to be it. I was not known for pleasant attitude, pretty face, sporty capabilities, famous, anything. I am completely a nobody.

When I got into 8th grade, I had one bestfriend althrough out. I still had friends but they're very competitive when it comes to academics and I can sense their plasticity. My ranking rose from "with-honors" to "with-high-honors". It was nice. It was good and I strived hard but I think it wasn't enough.

9th grade came but it was the most hectic schoolyear of my life. Pressure rose and more activities was made. During group activities, I prefer to work alone since I couldn't find someone compatible for me. But I think it paid off, I guess teachers saw potential. That even i wasn't active enough or pabibo I did to make it to the top. I was once a "With Highest Honor"-that lasted for a quarter then on the last, I was still a "With High Honors."

I was still happy and satisfied but do you recognize that feeling taht you don't want others to surpass you, but of course lifre wouldn't be like that.

During this quarantine and summer, I've realized that I shouldn't force myself to be on the top. That I shouldn't pressure myself and sacrifice my mental and physical health just because of this stupid school standards. Yeah, the grades written on your report card is just a number. It is still not a basis of intellect. It is not a basis of your worth, it doesn't define you. And you shouldn't belittle yourself just because you haven't achieved your dream grade. It doesn't make your future, at the end of the day, anything good you can contribute to the world is already enough. You know, the grades won't define your career and everything you want to do in the world.

Everyday, I constantly remind myself the paragraph I've written above. It is still quite hard but I must get through it. I'm putting pressure and risking my healh with this one.