Shattered Wife

Simula

Shattered

My parents told me that I will be very much happy in the hands of the person I look forward to be with in the near future.

I hoped and held on to it.

I believed in the power of hope.

Or so I thought I created the best decision; to be selfish and marry someone I looked up to the most—ang pumayag na magpakasal sa taong bata pa lang ako ay hinahangaan ko na.

I used to believe in wish upon a stars...

A thirteen year old girl leaning her head against the corner of the window asking for the same wish to be granted. Talking to the scintillations, telling 'em to send my message to the Sovereign above.

Totoo bang ibinigay talaga niya sa 'kin ang hiling na 'yon? Kasi noong nagdesisyon ang dalawang pamilya para sa 'min, agad ko itong sinunggaban. Kahit na nakababatang kapatid lang ang tingin niya sa 'kin. Kahit na may masasaktan pa at may magagalit. Because I thought everything was bound to happen.

When my parents told me that things can be learned, I held onto it.

Even love?

Again, though I wasn't sure, I held on to the power of hope.

Mahal ko, e. Naniwala akong darating din ang araw na makukuha ko rin ang puso niya kahit walang kasiguraduhan.

When my parents told me that risk in needed to see the outcomes, I pursued. They molded me to someone whose determination was intact.

Only things turned out the other way. My feelings became the opposite of his because of the binding.

I was happy, he wasn't.

I felt free, he felt imprisoned.

I exist, yet in his world I was unseen.

Ang ending, hindi rin ako naging masaya. Nando'n na e, nakuha ko na't dapat akong makuntento pero hindi kailanman napunan ang kulang.

Instead, I kept hearing the words I often hear coming from my husband.

"You ruined my life, Lumiere. If only you didn't turn to a monster and manipulate the situation, I will be happy in the arms of the woman I wanted to be!"

Naalimpungatan ako sa isang sigaw na iyon galing kay Sebastian, ang aking asawa. For almost two years that we were together, iyon ang paulit-ulit na naririnig ko galing sa kaniya.

Hindi ko siya matignan nang maayos sa mga mata. Gustong-gusto ko siyang yakapin but I feared coming near him. Guilt crept into my whole system that I wanted to turn back the time but at the same time I don't want to give him up.

I still hoped.

"Hindi ko alam kung paanong nagawa ka pang kaibiganin ni Stella. She should've known you better. She is your friend for fuck's sake, traidor ka!"

Nilunok ko ang mala-palaso niyang salitang tumagos sa kaibutaran ng puso ko. Sa halip, kahit na nanginginig ang mga kamay ay nagawa ko pang hawiin ang kumot at lumapit sa kaniya.

The anger painted on Sebastian's face made me feel like I was imprisoned in one cavernous place. He despised me and all the things I did in the past, he blamed me.