To Love Irrevocably [18+]

Chapter Thirty-Four

Seren and I were supposed to go out on Saturday. It's one of the first Saturdays she's been given off without having to request it. Our plans included going to a hot-air balloon festival, which is super popular around here. That's out of the question now.

Thinking about what just happened, I want to keel over and never get up again. Walking through the club feels too much like a walk of shame. I feel eyes on me, no matter if I know these men are minding their own business. I suppose the frown on my face is a sign that Seren dumped me.

When I get outside, the tears come. The crisp air smacks me in the face, chilling the saline drops on my skin. My hand comes up and connects with my forehead in a hard slap. The sound that rips from me is so full of anger and hate for myself that I wonder how I'm even able to stand.

The surrounding people don't matter. What does is my aching heart.

With a pout on my face and being blinded by my tears, I hail a cab. Prime time causes one to stop by me and I climb in. After rattling off my address to the driver, I rest my head against the dirty glass of the window. All I want to do is wallow in my misery.

My apartment comes up fast and I stumble up to my place. As soon as the door is open, I collapse on the floor in a distressed ball of unrelenting sadness. Perhaps if this wasn't happening to me, I'd find this all a bit too dramatic. But it feels like my soul has been sucked out of my body.

I take a long time to remove myself from the ground. Making it to my bathroom, I frown at my red, tear-stained face. I look awful and there's no denying or hiding that.

The days will get better. I hope so.

***

My weekend is spent with me in shambles. I lay in bed sobbing, hoping, and hating. I had called and texted Seren multiple times. Each action was left unanswered, deepening the hole in my heart. My mind automatically goes to a dark place where Seren decides she doesn't need me and that she can do better than me.

The good mood I built up has been torn down and there's no way to bring it up again.

Monday comes and goes. Chandler comes into the office for the first time in a while. He catches me up on his wedding and details regarding it. The date is fast approaching, and he's excited. As he communicates with his employees, I can see that more and more. Nothing can tear down his good mood, and I can't help but be envious of him and Sienna.

Tuesday isn't any better. I have a hard time concentrating on my work. I read paragraphs ten times just so it can stick in my head. The codes I check over, I end up ruining them more and have to do double the work. Yet all I can think of is Seren.

By Wednesday, I'm ready to take the bus to her place. I refrain myself from doing it, but the action is still on my mind. Instead, I call her up and hope she answers. When she doesn't, I have to force my arm down as I'm about to chuck my phone at the wall. Then I'm pushed back into a ball of tears.