EVERYTHING ENDS UP IN METAPHORS

METAPHOR #5

What does healing look like? When you fall and scrape your knee there's a scratch and you can actually see it healing. If you get hit, there's a bruise and you can actually see it leave your body when its getting better. But what does healing from whatever hurt you mentally (one could say) look like?

Well, if you're here looking for advice, I can tell you right now, you won't get one. Usually I'd be great at giving advice or at least trying. But this is the one topic I can't help anyone with. This is one thing I'm left to wonder how to do. So, leave if you want help. But all of those who want to go through all the confusion with me, sit down, grab popcorn and lets watch this horror movie called Healing and Destruction together, shall we?

It's supposed to be a metaphor, you see? You put the thing that kills in between your mouth, but you never actually give it the power to kill you. If you get the refrence (or however that's spelled) I'm sorry. But see, Gus was right. Well, right-ish. When you hold something in your hand, something that has the power to destroy you and you're well aware of that, the one that has all the power in reality, is you. Because then the ball is in your court right? You decide what happens. You control the situation.

So, can someone please explain, why can't we do that with emotions too? And believe me, I've tried.

I never seem to be healing. I never seem to be okay in the long run. Maybe all I'm actually doing is just pretending, shoving the pain in the darkest corners of my heart hoping it will ease over time on its own. Maybe I haven't actually began healing. Its a possibilty. However, I don't really think thats true.

What I'm hoping for is that this - confusion and changing emotions like clothes - this is healing. It has to be, because if its not, how can I get there? If healing doesn't look like crying on the floor of your bedroom at 3am, because you're not yet where you want to be, then what does it look like? If healing doesn't look like laughing at your own jokes a bit too hard one minute and then wodering if you're actually okay the next, then how can i possibly get there?

Let me let you in on a little secret, on how I've been coping with my emotions. Letting myself actually feel them. Yeah, you heard me right. Its been a while since I started writing this metaphor, so much time has passed that i've actually learned how to let myself feel whatever it is that i'm feeling.

Another thing that helps, is facetiming my friend. Oh yeah, it shocked me too. She's honestly she's a lot like me. We have the same mindset, we've been through similar things. The only difference is we make different choices; deal with things differently. Anyway, she knows pretty much all there is to know about me. And honestly I needed that. I needed one person I could facetime with and ramble about things i'm confused about. I needed one person who could know everything about me and still want to listen to my shit.

So. What is healing supposed to look like? I still don't know. I still change my emotions like my clothes. I still want to figuere my shit out. But. Maybe this is a good start.

Let yourself feel.