AS: PZ || Minsung

Chapter 18: Gnawing

!!!TW MENTIONS OF SELF HARM!!!

    Walking to school on a Friday should've been happy, it really should've. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and it was a beautiful day. Instead, Jisung could feel an old feeling growing in the back of his head.
    A feeling he hadn't felt for around a year and a half.
    Jisung knew exactly what this feeling was. He knew it all too well. It seemed as if this feeling were an old friend that swung by to say "hello!", even after you'd cut them from your life entirely. What irony that sentence is. Feeling especially vulnerable due to forgetting a jacket, Jisung felt as if everyone knew. Everyone knew that the boy with the glasses was getting bad again.
    Everyone knew he wanted to hurt himself.
    It's a familiar kind of feeling, what Jisung felt. Not pleasant, nor unpleasant. It was simply there, gnawing at the back of his mind as he tried to ignore it. It made him slow to smile, laugh, cry, and feel. He knew he should tell someone, but how?
    How do you tell someone you love that you want to hurt yourself?
    It seems impossible, confession, it seems lightyears away when in reality, it's simply words. A simple "hey, can we talk?".
    But how is anything to do with Jisung's situation simple?
    The thoughts that run through his head aren't simple, the insecurities that consume him aren't simple. Nothing about this is simple.
    Somehow, Jisung managed to pull a mask over his face. But when Felix came into his house screaming and he didn't flinch in the slightest, his friends got worried. As Hyunjin hushed the screaming boy, Chan moved to sit next to an unmoving Jisung. "Hey... Jisung?" Ever so slowly, Jisung turned to face his close friend. "Felix just came screaming and banging through the front door." The glasses clad boy showed a face of confusion. "You didn't even move. What's wrong?" Chan asked.
    Everyone was staring at Jisung, waiting for his reply. "I'm fine." he said, smiling softly. Contrary to his words, tears filled his eyes. His smile quickly turned pained, his face gaining color. "I'm fine..." he repeated, bringing his head down to rest in his hands.
    Chan acted fast, wrapping the crying boy in his arms. "What's going on?" he asked gently. Jisung looked around, wary of everyone listening. Don't misunderstand, the only ones who don't know about his struggle are Jeongin and Minho, they were bound to find out sooner or later. "It's getting bad again." he whispered, looks of realization displayed on most of his friends' faces. "Sung, what do you mean?" Minho asked cautiously. Jisung looked at Chan, a silent plea in his eyes. "Jisung is almost two years clean. What he means is that the urges are coming back."