Smoke & Mirrors • Zarry

3. Bat shit crazy

"I think I'm gonna marry her," Louis said to Zayn as he laid on the couch in a cloud of smoke, his shaggy brown hair falling into his bright, blue eyes. "She's ace. I don't think it gets much better than Eleanor," he added, smiling to himself. 

"It's a miracle she can even stand you," Zayn quipped back as he weighed nuggets of Northern Lights, one of the best strains he had left on his coffee table. 

"Don't I bloody know it," he agreed, chuckling and sitting up. "But when are you gonna date again, huh? It's been a long time bro." 

"Never."

"You always say that kinda shit. It's been five years mate."

"I don't care."

"So what, you've just given up on love then?"

"Some people are meant to be loved and others just make it," Zayn replied, glancing up at Louis who was shaking his head at Zayn in disagreement, just like he always did. 

It was no secret to anyone that knew him that Zayn didn't do relationships, and ever since he moved to London five years ago he had been completely and utterly single, unattached, providing quality sex with no emotional commitments and that's the way he intended on keeping it.

Relationships only ever brought problems, stress, fighting, miscommunication, dishonesty and he especially didn't do love because love was the biggest four letter lie and it only ever ended in pain and heartbreak. Human beings were not meant to suffer for something so stupid and complex, fragile, giving yourself to someone and just hoping they don't crush your soul.

No, not for him, and so for the last several years Zayn ensured that he stayed far, far away from getting himself caught up in that situation with anyone ever again.

Maybe he was jaded, tortured, living with past trauma from something so royally fucked up that he swore he'd never recover from and he didn't, but those bones were buried deep inside his closet in a place that he never, ever wanted to revisit, and even when he did feel lonely, Zayn still found company; someone, anyone, to warm his bed in the darkest of nights and that was enough, he told himself. Zayn didn't need anything more than that because he was not that sort of man; at least not anymore. 

And that's one of the reasons why Zayn turned to the kind of lifestyle that he lead because no one ever wanted to date a drug dealer seriously, someone who lived on the edge, someone who didn't give a shit what happened to him, and the reputation that he made for himself kept people who desired him from ever expecting anything more than just a good fuck, if they were lucky enough to even experience it.

People just got what they needed from Zayn and went on their way, and so did he, just like a proper business arrangement and Zayn preferred it like that.

Of course, his best friend Louis, or partner in crime, rather, was almost similar to him in the sense that he enjoyed partaking in most of these illegal activities, but he was also a sucker for love and had been with his girlfriend, Eleanor, quite faithfully for the last couple years and every time Zayn saw the two of them together, it was just one more reminder that God had his favorites and gave them all the luck in the world, while others just received the shit end of the deal.  

"Did you fuck Cara at least?" Louis inquired, putting out the joint he had been smoking.

"Nah," Zayn replied and Louis raised an eyebrow, looking surprised by his response.

"What, why the fuck not?"

"Turned into something else randomly."

"I'm not following..." Louis trailed off, looking confused and Zayn just shrugged.