Smoke & Mirrors • Zarry

23. An old, familiar way

Zayn grew visibly pale as he stood outside of his apartment door, blinking a few times, just to be sure that it was really her, that she really had just said the word baby to him, and the way that it just rolled off her tongue like that so naturally made him feel like he was going to cry because there was no fucking way that his ex girlfriend, Gianna, was there right now, like she had just come out of nowhere and it just...it couldn't be possible.

He swallowed hard at the sight of her and she started to get up from the floor slowly, wrapping her oversized tan sweater around her slender body in a white t-shirt and tight, baby blue jeans, shivering and looking cold with damp, long blonde hair and her large, ocean blue eyes that met his, causing him to feel this hurt deep in the crevices of his heart from not having seen in her or even spoken to her once in the last five years.

"What are you even doing here?"

"I...I don't know,"

"Can I come in?" Gianna then asked and Zayn hesitated, wondering how he could possibly turn her down when she looked so feeble just sitting there like that; he couldn't.

"Yeah, come in and get dry," he replied while leaning forward and opening the door with his key and she stood behind him quietly.

They entered his apartment and Zayn reached over and flipped the switch, turning all the lights on while Gianna moved passed him, taking off her sweater and draped it over a chair at the kitchen table. Zayn had no idea what was going on, why she was there, what she wanted from him, and it still didn't feel like it was legitimately happening, so he kept glancing over at her every now and then, just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

No, she was actually there.

So he tried to breathe and just focus on being calm, but his head was still spinning. And he thought about how after all this time he finally deserved some answers to the dozens of questions he had for her. Zayn reached over and grabbed his tea kettle, filling it with water and placed it on the stove burner, preparing to make some tea while she just silently took a seat at his kitchen table and folded her hands delicately in her lap.

"So, how have you been?" she finally asked him, which for some reason made Zayn chuckle nervously.

"How have I been...wow, what a broad question, Gi," he replied, looking over at her and then suddenly out of nowhere he felt this overwhelming sense of irritation enter his body.

"So...you get sent away and then spend the last five years without ever talking to me. No calls, no letters. Nothing. No word of how you're doing and you just left me to sit around and try to figure out what the fuck to do with my life. So yeah, I'd say that it's been pretty fucking shitty overall."

"Zayn..." Gianna started to say, her eyes glassing over with tears that she was clearly trying to hold back.

"I wasn't allowed to speak to you. You have to know the truth. I begged to see you, to talk to you. All I did was cry every night and ask for you, but no one would let me. My family had complete control over me and my entire life. I couldn't do anything I wanted, nobody trusted me. It was like being in jail, but worse. I couldn't even go to the bathroom or take a bath without someone watching me the whole time."

"Wow," Zayn said with his eyes wide, in this state of shock.

"Zayn, please know that I never meant to hurt you like this. I'm so, so sorry."

He felt this fiery rage shoot through his veins as she spoke, as she explained that her family was behind her inability to communicate with him and he almost laughed out loud ironically, because he should have known all along that it was their fault. They never liked Zayn to begin with and never wanted her to be with him.