Aʟᴠᴀʀᴏ, I'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ. I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴛᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴘɪᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜ. I ᴘʀᴏᴍɪsᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟʟ ɪɴ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ғᴜɴ. I ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴍᴀɴ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ғᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.
Aɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ, I'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴢᴇ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇs ʟᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ. I ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀɴᴅʟᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜɪs. I ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ.
Wɪᴛʜ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, Mᴀᴛᴛɪᴀ
He took a deep breath and folded up the note, slipping it into his coat pocket. It would come in handy later. Then he went online, and searched for where to buy rope.
He spent the rest of the week with his friends. Playing around, teasing each other. Little did they know that cheery mood was because he knew soon he wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore.
And then the day finally came.
He put on his coat, adjusting it carefully so you couldn't see the rope he had tucked into it. In one pocket it had a water bottle and his note. In the other two bottles of pills.
He was ready for this to be over.
He put on the sneakers he had in his room, slipping out his window. Silently he walked to the park, staring up at the night sky. It was so soothing.
He stopped in front of the big tree, pulling out his note and his pen. Then finally, he wrote on the corner.
Then he put the note away and went up to the tree, climbing it easily. He tied one end of the rope to a strong branch and tied the other into a noose.Then, he pulled out the pills and took handfuls of each of them.
The whole time he hummed the nursery rhymes his mother used to sing to him. He heard them from the beginning of his life, and he wanted to hear them one last time before he died.
And then he jumped.
———
The four of his best friends sat in his hospital room, each different levels of outwardly hysterical but hurt just as much inside. Alejandro sat in the plastic chair by the bed, crying softly into his hands. Roshaun and Alvaro were clinging to each other, both crying loudly against the other's shoulder. Kairi was the only one silent, sitting against the wall with his jaw clenched.
Mattia laid in the bed, unnaturally still. Rope burns went all the way around his neck. His face was pale. His arms laid limply on either side of his body. He laid flat on his back, which he never would've done normally.
It was fucking terrifying.
That night Alejandro went home and went live on instagram. He felt physically ill.
"Um.. Mattia is in the hospital. For a," he sighed deeply, "for a suicide attempt. Currently he's alive but the doctors aren't sure if or when he'll wake up." he ran his hands through his hair, watching the chat anxiously.
"How did he do it? Uh, we don't know the details but... He overdosed and hung himself in the park. And then a stranger found him and they got his parents' contact information through his phone. That's all we know.
"Did he leave a note? Uh— yeah, I actually have it on me..." He pulled it out, his mouth feeling dry. "Do you guys want me to- to read it? Like I don't wanna read it to a bunch of people who don't care..."
After a resounding yes he started reading. The chat slowly stopped typing, the reality of everything settling in.
The internet had driven a teenager to suicide.
Sure, he's not a great person but he could die.
There was no going back on that.
———
A/N II - to be extremely clear i'm not trying to defend mattia in any way shape or form. that man is disgusting and i want actual growth before i come anywhere close to liking him again. but please realize the consequences of your actions. bullying him and calling his school isn't gonna do anything but harm. and i'm not saying don't call him out, i'm saying don't call him fat and ugly and shit like that. it's not that big of an ask. I'm willing to do a part 2 to this if you want.
