In The Eyes of Destiny (D&D 5e Fic One Shots)

Tired

It has been awhile since I posted in this one (I have another D&D story that I have started too, so you can check that out if you'd like), but there is some hurt I gotta put in words. We all love pain sometimes.

Baldric experienced the consequences of his actions, in front of the entire party and watched one of his old lovers become a lich. It was *not* pretty so now he is dejected and Ashtai is too.

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Ashtai followed behind him quietly as he made his way into their... his... room for the evening. It was hard seeing him like this, and she couldn't do anything. Even at night, he was quiet and withdrawn.

It was hard to handle for her, simply because she had grown used to being the right hand to his left. Like they were extensions of each other. Even though she knew he needed time to himself, it was hard for her not to touch him and feel the warmth he usually had. She felt cold, and very alone.

Her fingers inched towards his, but she pulled away. He may have still been awake, but he was curled into himself, and she knew she once again didn't have a place in this bed. At least for the time being.

Standing up and walking over to the window to the illusory night sky outside, she curled into it, watching it for a while. It was times like this that she felt it might be better to allow Inara to lead. And that's how she needed to live at least for now.

The lovers didn't talk in depth about their pasts, at least not when sober, so she wasn't surprised at the pain, but still, it hurt. 

It hurt to see her lover in pain. 

It hurt to know she couldn't fix it. 

It hurt to know that the one time he actually needed someone, he wanted no one. 

Even his words to the others had become more crass. It made her feel objectified, and it wasn't a good feeling.

If this was futile, if this war was futile, it was best if she went home. Lady Yasmin would welcome her back into the palace, she would take care of her clone, and she would return back to what she was before. 

At least there, she knew how everyone felt about her. 

At least there, she knew how to act, and she didn't have to feel anything. 

It would be empty there, but it was empty here too.

If it had not been for the fact that she had watched him lose two people he cared about, she would leave as well.

Standing from her place at the window, she slowly and quietly made her way out of the room, caring not as to whether he noticed. She walked into the mansion, it's bare lifeless walls nothing like she was used to. It was not him, none of this was.

But then again, what was anything anymore?

The issue with Quori being emotions, is that when they were surrounded by suffering, they suffered too. It's not as if they were unused to it, they had known suffering for longer than most elves had been alive, but the suffering of loved ones hurt. And the only thing they could do to protect their host is take over.

And that's what Ashtai had to become. An emotionless robot. Piloted by a spirit of fury and passionate hate. 

Ashtai allowed herself to succumb to Inara. Slowly falling into a fitiful sleep. Inara would be in control now.

It was better this way. 

Ashtai was too tired.