In The Eyes of Destiny (D&D 5e Fic One Shots)

This Union (AU)

Part Two in "What would Happen if The Kalashtar Just Left". Just as painful.

Song is one of my top 3 favourite songs; "The End" by Silverstein feat. Lights :)

Trigger Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts

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After the first night, curled up in his bed and sheets, she made the bed and cleaned the room until it was spotless. Walking out, she closed and locked the door behind her. 

Never again.

~ The first time we met, your face became etched in my mind. You were the sun, and I was the one who worshiped you. My hands were your guns, your eyes were my muse. And I knew you could never love me, I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach. But can I still keep a place in your heart? ~

Each day went by the same. She was welcomed back by Yasmin just as she knew she would be, but returning without Baldric was a mess all in it's own. How could she explain to these people, the ones who didn't even care for her, why she was here and he wasn't? But, she had grown used to their whispers over the years, and simply went about her days.

A book or two in hand, back and forth between the library and her room, the only place she ever wanted to be. She was just as quiet and polite as ever, becoming the picture perfect Lady everyone expected her to be. But there was nothing behind those amethyst eyes. A living doll, the perfect response and gesture to each and every thing that ever happened.

~ You broke my heart. You promised me the moon and stars. I fell for your dreams, I fell for your lies. There was no other way, you know I tried. And I knew you could never love me, I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach. But can I still keep a place in your heart? ~

She lost weight, but not enough for people to notice. She even taught a few classes for the younger budding wizards of the court, teaching them with the best smile she could possibly muster. But each night, alone in her silken rooms and downy pillows, she could collapse into her grief. Nothing seemed more fitting than ending it all, but every time the thought crossed her mind, Inara would take control so she couldn't use the blade she had so skillfully mastered.

~ There is something I want you to know. I think you know exactly what it is. I didn't want to save you, I didn't want to save you. I set our house on fire, to watch it burn, but I couldn't just leave you there. And I knew you could never love me, I had so much sorrow inside you could never reach, but I'll ask you this. ~

She hoped that he worked his way though the pain she so vividly experienced with him. She hoped that he managed to bring life back into his home. She hoped that they all managed to make it out alive. Every time the word "alive" crossed her mind, it would wander to the blade hidden between her sheets. One day.

But each day became more painful, each forced smile broke her even more. Each laugh that never showed in her eyes, each delicate word she spoke to others, what was even the point of this?

~ Will you still miss me? Yes I'll miss you. Will you still love me? Yes I love you. Planes fill the sky, we'll both die tonight. Hands from the sky, swat us away like flies as we follow the light. ~

Even through it all, she continued on. The Doll of The Palace. Perfect, poised and beautiful. Everything but alive. Not that anyone noticed.

~ This union, a battle fought and lost. ~

~ This union, was not about the cause. ~

~ This union, was never about love. ~