Kaleidoscope

Chapter-9

9. Purple Lights

Alec:

There's a voice inside my head that calms me down. Why is it yours? 'Why' did it have to be yours?

8 hour before:
I wandered around like a mad man. I had a headache. I had parked my car somewhere and couldn't seem to find it. I don't even remember why I had left it in the first place. I laughed at myself.

I noticed a guy staring at me for minutes now. I did the first thing I thought. I punched him, knowing full well, how stupid I was being. Sometimes it was exhilarating to give in to impulses. At first he didn't react. Then he started fighting me.

***

"Why did you hit me?" The guy asked, looking confused. We were sitting on a bench in a cell of the police station. Someone had called the cops.

"I think you hit me first?" I said laughing.

"You are crazy dude." He said sounding amazed rather than offensive.

"I know." I said looking down. "Hey, it was because you were staring at me." I said remembering.

"You hit everybody who looks at you?" He asked with an eyebrow up.

"No. I just..." How was I to explain him. "Sometimes I don't know what I am supposed to do, with all this energy."

"Happens man. Happens." He said nodding to himself. "Next time, try jerking off." He said in a serious tone then started laughing. "Ah." He said touching his bleeding lip.

A part of me wanted to apologize. But somehow this nagging thought was repeating in my head again and again, people deserve every little shitty thing that happens to them.

***

Now:

There are some things that a child should never go through. I was too young to understand the things that happened. And honestly they didn't affect me at all. How could I understand suicide when I didn't even know what life was? And honestly I still don't understand it.

So when people said, my mother had killed herself, in hushed voices. The contempt was all I heard. The thing I learned at my mother's funeral was, people say the cruellest things in an attempt to comfort others. But what they are actually doing is, giving an opinion of something they don't understand at all. They don't listen, they don't even try to understand. People just wait for their turn to talk.

Maybe, my mother was the reason I grew up like this.

When you repeatedly get lost as a child and realize no one is looking for you. The fear of being alone is replaced by the comfort of solitude. My father did his best. I never blamed him. He just couldn't fill a mothers shoes.

I had to look for Iris again even if it was justto confirmif what I had seen was a hallucination and that I really was going crazy. Afterall the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.