Kaleidoscope

Chapter-10

10.No One Deserves Hell

Alec:

Waking up to a reality that doesn't make sense.

"Where are you going?" Lolita asked groggily turning around in bed and taking hold of my wrist. "Come back to bed." Her eyes half closed. I stayed in the same position, waiting for her to fall asleep.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think. I had to see Iris. It was time.

I removed her hand from mine gently, covering her with the blanket and walked towards the door.

"Alec." She said all of a sudden making me turn towards her. "Don't come back." She said without turning to face me. I was too surprised to say anything. "I am not your girlfriend. If you don't want to fuck me, don't come." She said harshly. I couldn't touch her like that anymore, I thought she was okay with it.

"I don't understand people like you." I said feeling mad. She sat up turning towards me.

"People like me?" She asked her eyes narrow.

"It's like, you choose hell, even if heaven is given to you on a silver platter."

"What pill are you on, dude?" She asked laughing bitterly.

"We can be friends you know." I said calmly. I watched her eyes turn cold.

"Get out."

"It's like you refuse to be happy."

"I said, get the hell out."

I slammed the door and stood there. I felt furious but I didn't want to leave her like this.

She would survive. She was a fighter after all.

Everyone fights their monsters differently. Don't judge anyone just cause they sin differently than you do. I smiled at that thought, it was something Iris would say.

***

I don't care. Maybe I was going insane, who knows. I wasn't going to obsess over Iris anymore, I couldn't find her, not even the cafe. It's just stupid, all of it.

I threw the papers down, not able to tear something I created. I should have never started writing about her.

***

"So, let me get this straight... You think you saw her?" The psychiatrist asked writing something down.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure about it?" She asked.

"She touched me." I said looking at the back of my hand.

She nodded dotting something down.

"So what do you think?" I asked rubbing my palms together.

She paused for a few seconds.

"I can take it." I said pursuing my lips.

"Of course you can. Just give me a second to phrase it." She said in a soothing tone.

I nodded looking around the room. It was not my first time coming here. I was prone to depression from time to time. The one thing I got from my mother. Depression. Funny isn't it? How could happiness be hereditary?

"I think you conjured someone you wanted, who would love you and give you affection, you missed as a child." It looked like she was waiting for a reaction from me.

"So, she is supposed to be a mother figure?" I asked with a laugh.

"No, I didn't mean that. You know that too. Don't you?" She asked. Why did psychology people play with words? Writers didn't do that. We were blunt and honest.

***

And after spending another 15 minutes there and a prescription of crazy pills which were supposed to control my sleep and stop hallucinations. I was out. So out of it.

I didn't need her diagnosis, I know I was obsessive. Genetic disposition towards depression and a high risk of suicide, my ass.

Suicide, what is that? Giving up? The word itself gives a bad taste on the tongue.

Why don't people understand? I am not my mother.