the afterlife • luke patterson

i don't exist

after a very long weekend competition with adam and garette, i was actually kind of excited to get back to school.

sixty hours of only their faces, albeit cute faces, was just too much for me. i practically skipped over to julie's locker, where she currently stood, jamming out to whatever was playing in her ears.

before i had arrived, she handed a marching band member drumsticks. i wasn't sure where or how she had gotten said drumsticks, seeing as she's never learned how to play the drums.

but, i ignored that fact as i came to a stop in front of her,"hey, jules."

she turned to me, giving me a grin,"hey, how was your competition?"

i let out a sigh, running a frustrated hand through my hair,"we all advanced."

she quirked her eyebrows, noticing that my tone didn't match what seemed to be very good news,"and you are...mad about that?"

"not about that," i muttered, pressing my lips together. i had been mulling over a certain possibility all weekend, and decided it would be nice to pick her brain,"do you think i should be helping luke find this lily girl?"

julie gave me a confused look, not sure where the question had come from,"what? why?"

i eyed the ground for a moment, unable to express exactly what i was feeling. it was a mix of many things: jealousy, empathy, and everything in between.

"i just..." i lifted my head up, running a hand through my less-than-brushed hair,"i feel like i should. i mean, clearly i have some sort of connection with her via my entire being."

julie shrugged, giving me a weary glance,"i think this could be really hard for you. i know sometimes you feel-"

"sad and desolate?" flynn offered playfully as she arrived at my side, rested her arm on my shoulder.

i chuckled lightly, shrugging her arm off,"you took the words right out of my mouth."

julie laughed along with us, before shutting her locker,"we can talk more later."

"yeah," flynn nodded, having her own topic of conversation to discuss,"how's the band? still hot? still talented? still dead?"

"amazing," julie grinned, obviously excited about what she was going to tell us,"luke and i spent the whole weekend writing songs. wanna hear some of them?"

i couldn't ignore the pang of jealousy i felt as julie mentioned her one-on-one with luke, but i also had to keep in mind that i couldn't fight over a dead boy with my friend.

"sure." i answered curtly, though i really didn't want to know how good they were together.

the only thing i could seem to hold onto was the fact that this was a good thing for the band i was a part of. lord knows i'm not a songwriter; i'm barely able to write a decent rhetorical analysis.

we quickly arrived at music room, noting what little time we had before first period.

"like it was flowing through me. like i used to write with mom." julie exclaimed excitedly, dropping her backpack to sit down on the bench.

"that's great." i commented, leaning against the other end of the bench.

"so, this is the first song luke and i wrote," she opened up the keys, a smile forming on her face,"here's a bit of the chorus. in the song, we have jo and luke doing it."

i couldn't help but smile lightly at the passing comment. it meant that they were thinking of me, something i'm convinced no one ever did.

julie started to play the tune, singing some lyrics along with it,"cause we're standing on the edge of great. great. great."