Respect (Sakusa x Reader) - DICONTINUED

Backstory

Sakusa POV     

Okojo Middle school third year

It was the day after, Sakusa awoke from his deep slumber with mixed emotions, he felt content and deep satisfaction and then he felt guilty, so badly that when he turned his attention towards the bare back of his best friend still soundly asleep. His content satisfaction dropped as paranoia sinks in looking deeply into her content form, the aftermath of yesterday's activities decorate her beautiful body like smudged off makeup.

He traces his hand ever so lightly over her back in fear of seeing her reaction, the events of yesterday flood into his mind and all he can feel is disgusting.

Rubbing his hair with his spare hand he quickly but quietly removes himself from the bed, untangling his parts from her clinging one. He takes one last look at her sleeping form, to anyone else she would look like a mummified avocado that went past its due date but to him she shines as brightly as the morning sun.

Her brows twitch a little but she still remains deeply in her slumber, sighing Sakusa takes this opportunity to purify his disgusting soul. Doubling his average time in the shower and scrubbing fiercely at his body finally content that he is clean he walks back out still finding the sleeping girl in his sheets.

Dark eyes scan the room finding the leftover crisps packets, chocolates and twisted blankets alongside thrown and toss aside clothing. Cheeks reddening as he walks past her form again and again, unable to keep eye contact on her beautiful face. Last night escapades now swirl and anchor him down in embarrassment and shame.

Not wanting to disturb her, Sakusa gave her time to think it through, to process what happened and to realize her feelings for him. He took her that night, it was an in the moment act that he wishes he can take back. He blames it on his hormones, raging as they are he always had a good hold on them, and that night the leash snapped.

During the time he took essentially avoiding her, he found that even when they were apart he yearned for affection, that night had made him selfish and now the lightest of touches can make his junior hard as a rock and squirt at any vigorous movement on her part. It was embarrassing to say the least, the girl that he likes...no loves had changed him so much in one night that the disgusting roleplay of actresses and actors couldn't relieve him anymore. Photo's and videos of her made it hard for him to look at her fully during the day without dealing with a crisi down below.

Soon it had been a month since they had spoken, Sakusa is no fool and realizes that the time he spent being embarrassed over the fact that his crush made him hard had a knock on effect on Y/n. He could see how her cheery outlook grew hard and cold as each day carried on, he became fearful that the very girl he once knew would be gone forever due to his childish idiocy.

So he waited.

He had asked the girls team what time their practice would be finishing, but they had told him that today was their off day. He raced and ran as he ever done before towards the gates. Students were filling out ever so quickly but he could identify her in a bigger crowd than this.

Maskless Sakusa awaits for her.

A girl has walked up to him with a sly grin donning her disgusting face from the obscenely obvious cakey powder creasing at her lips and the drawn on marked eyebrows and glossed cherry lips. He would have reacted faster enough if he didn't see you absentmindedly walking out the steps hands in pocket and earbuds in.

The girl however took this as a sign of invitation and had proceeded with crashing her chapped lips against his entrances ones. As quickly it came it was pushed off.

The damage had already been done.

If being hit by a bus was horrible imagine his heart and soul witnessing the 7 stages of grief flow through Y/n. He watched as tears uncontrollably cascaded down her (S/c) cheeks, parted luscious lips .

He watched as her face...drops.

Now two to three years later he watches the same thing recurring as before.

He had her. 

He. Had. Her in his hands, she was close to crumbling but of course the past clung to him still, the fear and paranoia of losing her again ate him up inside. As he watched others hungry for her, look at her with those eyes. Those predatory eyes that look her up and down like an appetizer in a room full of hungry wolves.

He felt cornered.

She wasn't backing down and he just had to...he had to get her attention again, he's come far since then and now he's closest to her than ever before but as those words left her lips everything dropped.

Even now he feels for the first time in three years has he felt loss. His first love rejected him for the second time running.

Maybe it's a sign that he's not fated for a life of love. He knew it would be a challenge ever since he found out that he was a germaphobe, being around people disgust him but if it could be anyone, he thought it could be you.

He knew from a young age to him you weren't dirty, you are just right. But maybe you never saw him like that, more than a friend.

And now he's not even a stranger to you, he's a nobody, an idiot who broke you.

For once in his life he is giving up.

~*~

Ayo it's here, the long awaited chapter on what really went down