Not a Love Story

Thirty-Five // Lied to Him

Benjamin Jones

As the door closed behind Ollie, my heart dropped into my stomach. I suddenly couldn't stand, feeling like my limbs were numb as I collapsed into my chair. I felt my throat start to tighten and my vision blur. I put my head in my hands.

"Oh fuck." I whispered to myself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." I repeated, running my hands through my hair. I quickly stood up, feeling myself shake as I did. My parents quickly snapped to look at me as I jogged down the stairs.

"Is he - did he leave?" I asked, suddenly out of breath, feeling panic rise in me.

"What did you say, Ben?" my dad asked, deep concern on his face. I shook my head, my vision blurring again.

"I-I-" I stammered, not sure what to say. Anything I said would never be able to explain what I just said to Oliver.

"Benjamin, what did you say to him?" my dad asked again, his eyes serious.

"I lied to him." I said, the words feeling unbearably heavy. I stumbled to the couch, blindly collapsing. "I lied." I whispered, burying my hands in my face as I felt the tears begin to drip out of my eyes.

"What did you lie about, Benny?" my mom asked, inching closer to me on the couch. I was quiet for a minute, unsure if I should say it out loud.

"How I feel." I choked out, lifting my head to look at her.

"Oh, Benny." she said, her eyes understanding, a hint of sadness within them. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug as I felt the sobs uncontrollably wrack my body.

"So, what's the truth then?" my dad pried, softer this time. I took a shaky breath, trying to collect myself. I looked down at my hands, fiddling with them as I felt tears continue to slide down my cheeks.

"I care about him. A lot." I whispered, the words nearly catching in my throat. My mom tightened her hug.

"So why did you lie?" my dad asked, sitting down next to me. I shook my head.

"I don't know." I choked out.

"Is it because you're scared?" he gently asked.

"No - I -" I stopped, lowering my head. "Yeah. I'm scared." I whispered, realization flooding through me.

"You know your mother and I love you no matter what, right?" he said. I nodded.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Is it the kids at school? Your friends?" he pressed. I shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess." I answered. "It's just-" I stopped, my dad nodded, encouraging me to continue. "All I've ever thought about is football. Getting recruited for college, playing in the NFL, eventually finding a girl to settle down with. Maybe start a family. But then Oliver showed up. He's a curveball. I didn't plan for him to come into my life. And I definitely didn't plan on falling in love with someone, let alone a guy, before college." I shook my head, bitterly chuckling.

I saw my parents look at one another, exchanging knowing looks.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Do you love him?" my dad asked.

"What?" I asked again, feeling my heart jump.

"Do you love Oliver?" he asked again, a gentle smile on his face.

Oh god. I'd just said that hadn't I. Oh fuck.

"I-I-" I was at a loss, completely unsure how to proceed.

"It's okay, sweetheart." my mom coaxed, lightly squeezing my arm.

"Yeah, I do." I whispered, looking down at my hands to avoid my parent's gaze, feeling my heart flutter at my words.

"So you have to fight for him." my dad said. I looked up at him. "You need to talk to him. If you care about him as much as you say, you can't leave things the way you just did." I nodded, a lump forming in my throat.

"Yeah." I replied. We sat on the couch quietly for a while, the clock ticking the only sound in the background.

"I'm going to talk to him. Tomorrow." I quietly said, my throat dry.

"Good." my dad replied, curtly nodding in agreement. I took a breath and gathered my strength to stand.

"I'm going to bed." I announced as I slowly stood up and out of my parent's embrace.

"Goodnight, Benny." my mom said, offering me a light smile.

"Goodnight." my dad echoed. I offered a small smile in response before slowly making my way up the stairs. I numbly changed into pajamas before collapsing into bed.

I stared at my ceiling, tears beginning to well up in my eyes again. I closed them, tears dripping down my face. With closed eyes, I saw Ollie, his hurt expression as I hurled hateful, untrue words at him. I covered my eyes with my arm, biting my lip in an attempt to stop the sobs threatening to spill from my lips.

I thought about him running around the field, the stadium lights illuminating him, creating a halo around his mess of curly brown hair. The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed and smiled, running as we played tag. The feeling of his lips against mine. The electricity I felt course through my veins as I held him close.

My heart began to ache as I rolled onto my side, warm tears still relentlessly running down my face. I tried to close my eyes, but only visions of Ollie filled my head, making my stomach churn and my heart ache at the thought of what I'd just lost.