Part 19: Paradox

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I sighed and walked down the stairs. I was expecting to see Lawrence in the middle of the open area but instead it was Baekhyun.

My heart stopped. He has a serious expression on his face. I started to breathe heavily while walking to the now empty area.

"Five years ago or now, there's only one person that I want to marry..." He said when I was in front of him. "So stop running away and please marry me..."

This night could've been perfect. Perfect fine weather. Subtle wind. And a man on his knees asking me to marry him. Almost perfect. If only he really meant what he says, it could've been perfect.

"Why... Please stop. Stop making it hard for me..." I pleaded.

I summon all my strength to refrain from crying but I simply can't. My heart is going to explode any moment. God knows how much I want to marry him, how I want to give him my all. But things have changed. I can't marry him.

"Don't make it hard for the three of us. You know who really is in your heart."

I burst out crying. Why state the obvious? Can't he just walk away from my life just like he did five years ago? Why does he need to give me an option?

I am so close to betraying myself and just saying yes to his proposal, but then, I saw someone leaning on a tree. His eyes are on me, anxiously waiting for my answer. I can see from here how his eyes sparkle with tears that are about to come out from his eyes. It is as if he is expecting that I would say yes to Baekhyun and broke my promise to him that I'll marry him.

He is in pain. I am hurting Lawrence in the process of wanting to have a happier future. I am hurting the only person who was with me when the world turned their backs against me.

I made up my mind. I am not gonna turn my back to the only friend I have. Even if that meant that I will have to kiss my last chance of being happy with Baekhyun goodbye.

I wiped my tears.

"Our time together five years ago was the happiest that I had. You meant the world to me, Baekhyun. The woman who you are with five years ago was the happiest version of myself. I don't even know if I will be able to be that happy again." I said. Baekhyun's eyes sparkle with anticipation.

"But things have changed now... I already lost that woman from five years ago, she's dead. You killed her. You killed her when you left her to suffer alone. She no longer exists. All that's left in me was my empty soul, trying to get by day by day. And I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose myself ever again. So I am not marrying you."

I can see how his expression shifted. He doesn't expect this.

Behind Baekhyun, I can see Lawrence slowly walking his way to us with a big triumphant smile in his face. He's happy.

"I wish you happiness, Baekhyun. Please let me go. Let us both move forward and try to be happy with our own lives..." I said.

"Alright."

Alright? That's it? I can't believe that he let me go just like that.

"Thanks, bro." Said Lawrence who is now beside me.

"Hon, Jerome just called and he wants you to call him ASAP."

I nod. I know he's just bluffing because we don't have anyone in our firm whose name is Jerome. He simply wants me to leave them alone.

While walking to my room, I am still thinking about my decision. I am relieved that he finally let me go, but on the other hand, I really regret rejecting his proposal.

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