Austin's POV
I sit up quickly in my bed, It's still dark outside. I glance at my clock 3:48am I sigh and flop myself back onto my pillow. These dreams have been waking me up for as long as I can remember, But recently the details in the dreams, and how often they occer has been increasing drasticly.
I close my eyes and try to settle back down, but the face of this boy continues to move around my unconscious and conscious mind. Frustrated, I grab my ipod from the small blue table beside my bed.
I put the head phones in my ears and put the volume as high as it could go.
I try to let slipknot drown out the voice and face of this boy with firey hair .... I hate it so much, But I also love it.. when i visualze his face i feel happy.. I don't know .. something about him makes me feel safe. And I never feel safe in this cold, lonely apartment. Ever since my mother passed away nothing has been the same. I've been so depressed. I just feel that life is so pointless, we all die anyway so why wait until it will hurt you and others? I have the same disease my mother had, So everyone must be prepared for me to die anyway ... actually I've isolated myself so much that it wouldn't bother anyone really ...
I shake my head vigorously attempting to get 'those' thoughts out of me again. I'm just so alone I have a hard time staying above water recently..
