When We Were Young

XXXII: before you go

"You want to come in on Saturday?"

"I know you come in Saturday until 2pm, so I was thinking that it would be nice to get some extra work done and to keep you company."

Eleanor raises her left eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "I love that you enjoy working here, but the weekend is supposed to be for relaxing when you're in college."

Sighing, I put my forehead in my hands. "A lot is going on right now with my roommates and I just would rather be here."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She frowns. "I'm not sure running away from them is the right answer, though. Have you tried having a conversion with them?"

"One of them is never around long enough for me to talk to and the other is completely avoiding me. It's so frustrating, we're all supposed to be adults, yet they're acting like children. I'm just so ready to not have to deal with 48 hours of that on the weekend."

Tate did end up telling me about her birthday plans. It was extremely awkward, which is something that is so not normal for us. Nothing was ever weird between us, even when we've had fights in the past. I think she was expecting me to be mad when telling me that she would be spending the day of and weekend after her twentieth birthday with her family. Gray would be going with them, but the cottage "didn't have enough bedrooms" for me. I'm not mad. Really, I'm not. I just feel... indifferent.

After all, do I have any right to be mad at her for wanting to spend her birthday with her family? I'm happy for her, that she has them.

"Sounds difficult." She sympathizes. "But do you really think you should be running away from them? I've had my fair share of cold shoulders and disagreements with roommates, friends, and boyfriends, so I know what you're feeling. It's always better to talk about it."

"I don't really think it's my place to talk about it." She quirks her head with confusion, so I go on. "My friend, Tatum, who I've literally been friends with since we were seven, just recently got contacted by her biological dad and siblings. She's spending a lot of time with them and I just don't feel right asking her to choose me over them. Then, there's her brother, Grayson, and another one of my closest friends. Gray's not one of the siblings that just recently contacted her, mind you, he's been taking care of her his whole life. He's been having these horrible nightmares that I've been waking him up from nearly every night and he refuses to talk about it. I can't force him to talk either, so it's frustrating to be around him. To be around the both of them."

I'm surprising myself with the amount that I just shared. It's nice to finally have someone out of the picture to talk about this with.

She taps the end of her pen against her desk. "Seems like you all have a lot of history and a lot riding on this. If I were you, I would let your friend, Tatum, have her time with her newfound family. It must feel like you're losing her, but she's just exploring a side of her that she didn't even know existed. Given your history, I'm sure your bond is stronger than you may feel in this moment. And for Grayson, it really is not your place to get him to do something he is uncomfortable with. Let him decide to tell you."

"It's just never happened before. Tate and I have always been each other's number one and Gray... he's shut me out before but that was due to a lot of circumstances. He shuts others out a lot, but I've usually been someone he can talk freely with. I don't know how that changed so quickly."

My hands aimlessly fiddle with the edge of the computer and I never lift my head up to look at Eleanor. Nonetheless, she continues to speak to me in a comforting tone. "I had an older sister who served in the army. She died two years ago while on duty and for months, I had nightmares about what she must have gone through in her last moments of life. I didn't want to tell anyone, not my family, my friends, my husband. I felt embarrassed to make her death about me and the mental challenges I was facing. After a few months of this, I decided myself that I didn't want to deal with it anymore, I needed to live my life and that is what my sister would've wanted. So, I told my husband and my family and saw a psychiatrist. Slowly, the nightmares have faded away. I have no idea what is happening with your friend, but give him some time to process his trauma."

I put my head in my hand, a bit of tension releasing from my body. She's right. I should give Gray some time and maybe he'll come to me. I can't just barge in and try to fix everything if he doesn't want that.

When I meet her eyes, she's smiling kindly. "Maverick, why don't you come in on Saturday? You don't need to work, you can study for your exams and keep me company."

I hope she can see in my eyes how grateful I feel for that. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you said."

"Speaking of exams, summer is coming up soon, so we should discuss your schedule for the summer months."

That reminds me of the dreaded conversation I'm going to have with my mom tonight. She's been texting me for the past two weeks asking how my internship-searching process has been going and I've deflected as much as I could. Mom was insistent on calling me tonight to discuss the issue, so I've come to the conclusion that I should probably tell her tonight. Not the truth, of course. I'm telling her that I found some internship at a law firm like she wants. No need to get her angry with me and undoubtedly force me out of my current research position to come back home to work at the company.

Eleanor and I work through a pretty typical 9 to 5 work schedule for me. Our goal is to have the paper finished before the end of the summer. I can't help but feel the little burst of excitement in my stomach at the prospect of no longer having to deal with the economics and management courses I'm currently studying for and fully focusing on this research.

A few hours later, I'm setting up my laptop on the kitchen table to Skype with my mom.