When We Were Young

XLII: white horse

Trevor Jackson as Mickey Odunga

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Pieces fall together after she says it. Him strangely being at the apartment early that morning. Him being the first to know that Tate was going to be spending her birthday with the Sullivens. Him being so diligent in organizing her birthday party and being the one to bring her to the party.

"That actually makes a lot of sense..."

"What? You're not mad?" She looks genuinely shocked.

"I'm happy for you two, a little surprised, but you're good together. I guess I'm a little disappointed that you took this long to tell me."

"Wait, how do you know how long we've been dating?"

I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "I don't. I just remember him acting all awkward when he was here at the crack of dawn one morning awhile back. Now, it makes sense."

She rolls her eyes, grinning. The grin isn't for me, though, it feels more intimate, like a special something just between her and Mickey. "Yeah, he spent the night that day."

This causes my mouth to fall open, the reaction she was expecting. I knew they had to be somewhat serious for her to make such a big deal about telling me, but I didn't know they were on the level of sleepovers.

Before I can get a word out, she puts a hand up to prevent me from speaking. "Look, I wanted to tell you as soon as he asked me out, but there was that weird thing between us." She makes a grimace. "I was hesitant at first because he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship. I didn't want to be a rebound. But, one date led to another and the next thing I know, he's in my bed. And he's amazing. So sweet and ambitious and humble and the most amazing guy. It's not just intimacy, like it was with Tommy, it's a connection."

The way she's staring off at the distance beyond my head with a pleased look on her face makes my heart flutter for her. Knowing Mickey, I can see where she is coming from.

She's not finished. "Originally, Mickey and I decided to hide it because we are all friends and it would be awkward if it were out in the open and then we didn't work out. It would have split our friend group up and made it so uncomfortable. We didn't want that, so we kept it silent. I should have told you of all people, though. We weren't in a good place."

Nodding, I realize that I understand. We used to have conversations like this all the time about our aspirations, about our significant others, about anything and everything going on in our lives. It's good to fall back into it so easily.

"Mickey's perfect," I say simply. An even bigger grin spreads over her face, making me truly grasp how nervous she must've been for my reaction.

She composes herself, switching the conversation to me. "What about you, anything new?"

For the second time today, I bite my tongue from saying anything about Gray. This time, it's not about searching for his family, but rather, the past few nights we've spent together. Normally, I would've blurted something like this out to her, if it were anyone but her brother. Now, I don't want to make it weird for her or Gray, so I clamp my mouth shut.

Instead, I tell her about work, Eleanor, and the Marisol Hall scholarship.

"You're gonna win for sure," is the first thing she says when I'm done with my long-winded spiel about my messy life. "When you do, just be sure that this is what you want before you accept the scholarship and tell your parents. This sounds like a really big decision and you know that I will be here for you no matter what, but your parents may not be. You have to weigh your choices here."

Where Gray was full force ready to go against my parents, Tate is hesitant. Honestly, it's nice to have her ground me in this way because it truly is an enormous decision.

"It's difficult. My mind and people around me are pulling me in every direction. Gray is fired up about me finally standing up to my parents and Mickey has a completely different background and perspective from me. You're the only person who understands, Tate."

She bites her lip. "If I had any additional time with my mom, I would savour it. That's why I'm pointing out this perspective to you. Family is important and I don't want you neglecting that. Take it one step at a time and really think about what you want the future to look like for you."

I haven't let myself think about my mom's intentions in a long time. I'm still hesitant because I know that she is not the villain I paint her to be. But, when I let those thoughts enter my mind, I no longer feel able to stand up to her... I no longer feel like I want to.

So, I block those thoughts and focus on the awful parts of her. It's easier. It makes this decision easier.

We spend the next fifteen minutes laughing over the adventures we both went on over the weekend. She tells me more about the cottage and I tell her about Gray and I's little outdoors trip to go canoeing. Tate is pretty much in hysterics at the thought of me trying to canoe.

Gray comes back in the middle of our conversation, sweaty and happy to see that we're clearly back in the place we were before this mess. He offers to make us breakfast after his shower, to which we both eagerly agree.

After avocado toast, the three of us look at pictures from Tate's past few days.

There's one of her with an arm around each of her siblings. Their resemblance is so clear in the photograph. All three of them have wet hair and are wearing bathing suits, probably after getting out of the hot tub. Her entire body is glowing from happiness and I can't help but feel a little emotional over how far she has come over the past few weeks. There are still inklings of jealousy, but I learn to push them aside in favour of her happiness.

I do a quick check of Gray to make sure he's okay, knowing that he's sensitive to this topic. He seems to be plastering on a happy, but wistful look as Tate scrolls through her phone.

Eventually, I decide that I should probably get some studying done for my exam tomorrow, even though I feel ready. I excuse myself to head out to the library so that I can do some last minute studying.

When I return to the apartment, it's late. However, as I open the front door, I see three happy faces glancing at me.