Dreamer's Ball [ENOLA HOLMES]

fourteen; i'll always be here for you

chapter fourteen; i'll always be here for you

Amélie didn't sleep that night after sending a prayer to God. Well, that's false. She slept for a few hours on and off, never for longer than an hour or two at a time. Her mind plagued her with nightmare after nightmare. They varied--that ballroom scene with Enola laughing in her face; her father shaming her from heaven with Mary, Jesus, God and the saints by his side, watching her get thrown into the fiery abyss of hell; and finally, nothingness... a complete black void of nothingness with her thoughts echoing around her... it was horrid.

But... Amélie believed she deserved it. She needed to be punished by God somehow.

When it was a reasonable hour to be awake, she visited Ellie in her room and met baby John-Paul for the first time when André was busy in his office. Amélie was quiet most of the time, cooing softly at the baby and congratulating her sister-in-law. Ellie tried making conversation about her little adventure... Amélie nicely told her that she would another time. She just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone else about it. Ellie understood. (In fact, André told her everything Amélie told him last night.)

Amélie spent the rest of the morning in her room. Alone. With only her thoughts and feelings. She didn't do anything. She didn't draw. She didn't dream happily... no, she lied against her bed, staring blankly at the wall while her brain continued to reprimand her. She wanted it to stop... how could she get it to stop...?

She scrambled to a long abandoned dresser and desperately dug through it to find her Bible, an old wall mounted crucifix and her mother's rosary. Yes. These will make her less of a sinner. These would make the thoughts go away. She remembered her father once told her that prayers would always make him feel better... maybe the same would work for her.

Amélie placed the cross back onto the wall, in the corner of the room where nothing would distract her. She flipped her bible open to the story of Adam and Eve and the temptation of the apple. She kneeled before the cross and open bible, adjusting the beautiful rosary in her hands. She shook doing so, her breath hitching in her throat. The guilt crept inside of her at the sight of all the religious items. No... she needed to do this. She needed assurance that she could be okay in the eyes of God.

"Au nom du Pere et du Fils et du Saint-Esprit. Amen." She whispered, making the sign of the cross using the cross part of the rosary to touch her forehead, chest and both shoulders.
(In the name of the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit)

Amélie started down at her rosary clenched in her hand. What was her plan? The rosary in her mother tongue:
Apostles Creed. Our Father. Three Hail Marys. Glory Be. Start the first decade. Our Father. Ten Hail Marys. Glory Be. Fatima Prayer. Do other four decades. Finish with Hail Holy Queen. Repeat till dirty feelings disappear. Maybe say the Act of Contrition multiple times too... She wanted God to know she was sorry.
That was her plan.