Paroxysm - Sanders Sides One Shots

Commitment Issues

Romantic Prinxiety, kinda hurt-comfort
Warnings: mild language, commitment issues
Word count: 1115
I almost made this another Intrulogical one shot but we'll let those two rest for a minute. Just a minute.

•

When Roman confessed to having feelings for Virgil, the anxious Side was elated. He'd had a crush on Roman for months, but he never had the courage to tell the other man. After some time, he had become comfortable with hiding his smile whenever Roman called him a nickname, suppressing the urge to move closer to the regal man, silently dreaming of spending a night with him. When Virgil heard the words "I like you", he'd thought for a moment that all of his silence would be no more, that all his fantasies would finally become reality.

But, an hour or so later when Virgil parted from his now boyfriend, those same thoughts played through his mind with a much darker connotation. Nothing would ever be the same again. Virgil had grown fond of his and Roman's new dynamic. Their effortless banter and harmless insults were comfortable, familiar. But the moment Virgil admitted to reciprocating feelings, there was a shift in the dynamic. Roman was instantly more flirtatious, seemingly opening flood gates that he'd been struggling to keep closed for quite some time. Virgil could keep up for a few minutes, upholding his end of a fast-paced, vivacious back and forth. But he quickly found himself falling behind, unable to match the romantic's wit. And when the two had to go about their separate ways, the weight of the previous conversation suddenly crashed down on Virgil.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

He walked in a stunned silence through the Mind Palace, eyeshadow darkening with each step. The walk to his room seemed longer than usual. When he finally shut the door behind him and slumped down to the floor, he was left with the same overwhelmed feeling as before but without the ecstasy.

"Nothing will ever be the same again," he whispered, gripping his hair as his breathing sped up. Something about this made him uncomfortable in a way he'd never felt before. He wasn't used to so many compliments at once, he wasn't used to someone being so devoted to him. Maybe that's all it was; maybe he was just unfamiliar with such intimacy. Perhaps Roman just came on a bit too strong. Or perhaps he didn't like Roman at all. The usual lovesick feelings that Roman gave him were completely gone now, replaced only by panic and discomfort. Maybe he didn't really have romantic feelings after all. No, no, he had to have romantic feelings. But maybe they weren't as strong as he had assumed?

"Argh, pull it together, Virgil!" Virgil hissed at himself, angrily jumping up from the ground. "I'm fine." He began to pace back and forth. "I'm happy about this! This is what I've wanted for so long. I think? Yes! Yes, this is what I want. I'm just freaking out for no reason, that's what I do, there's nothing unusual or unexpected about it. Just chill out, Virge, everything's fine."

But everything was not fine.

The next day, he woke up thinking of Roman. He pictured Roman's stunned smile as he brushed his teeth. He heard Roman's sultry voice calling him beautiful as he applied his eyeshadow. He felt Roman's hand locked with his as he slid on his hoodie. Every second was consumed by Roman, his boyfriend, and it made him sick.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked himself in the mirror. "I just found out the man of my dreams likes me back and I'm upset?! It's not like he did anything wrong. He was a bit quick-moving, sure, but he was still respectful." He sighed. "I'm just being a baby about this. I just need to get over myself and enjoy this instead of locking myself in my room."

Knock knock!

"Never mind."

"Virgil!" Roman called through the door. "You're late for the meeting!"

Meeting?!

"Oh shit," Virgil mumbled, gripping the sides of his head and pacing in a circle. "Oh shit, oh shit, um—"

"Virgil? Are you in there?"

Virgil suddenly ran to the door and swung it open. "Hi!" Oh God. "Yes, yeah, I'm... here."

Roman looked at him suspiciously. "Is everything alright?"

"What? Yeah, of course, I'm just running a little late today."

"Virgil." Roman flashed the other Side a look that only the two of them understood. "Are you alright?"

Virgil looked down in shame. "You should probably come inside for a second." He stepped back, allowing his boyfriend into the room.

"Jesus Christ Super Star," Roman gasped as he crossed the threshold, gripping the fabric above his fluttering heart. Virgil immediately apologized, having not yet noticed that his intense unease had manifested in the room. He quickly guided Roman to sit down on the floor, hoping that would somehow ease the overwhelming rush of emotions.

"Well," Roman panted as he began to compose himself. "Something is definitely wrong."

"Yeah..." Virgil sat down in front of Roman, placing himself a safe distance away. Running his hand through his hair, he continued, "Before I say this, I just want you to know, you didn't do anything wrong. This is all on me, I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. I'm just... anxious, obviously. I don't know if I'm, like, scared of change, or if I'm just not ready, or... I don't know. I just don't know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Virgil, I'm the one who should be sorry. I put you on the spot, of course you would just say 'yes' and go along without hesitation! If you need me to give you some space, or... or if you feel like we need to break up—"

"Woah, woah, no! No, Roman, that's not what I mean."

"Oh thank Zeus, I was just saying that, I really don't want to break up with you. I mean I would if you wanted to, I'm not going to trap you in a relationship, but I swear I honestly don't want to, but—"

"Hey, hey, let's reel it back in."

"Yup! Yes, reel it in. Sorry about that."

"It's fine, Princey, I get what you're saying. I don't want to break up with you either. I'm just scared, you know? But we can work through this together. Right?"

Roman smiled heartily and reached out to grab Virgil's hands. "Of course we can."

"Yeah... Thank you, Roman, really."

"Of course, Virgil. Now, could we possibly leave, please? I can tell there's eyeshadow forming under my eyes and it does not go with my color scheme."

"Right, let's go."