Paroxysm - Sanders Sides One Shots

Secret Santa

Human AU, platonic DRLAMP, romantic Intrulogical, romantic Moceit, romantic Prinxiety, fluff
Warnings: none
Word count: 1128
The holidays suck, so here, take my Human AU Sides from the Human AU that I'll probably never write. By the way I actually wrote out and drew names for this, it was fun. Also Janus is a witch in this AU. Just felt like that was important to note.

•

With Christmas coming soon, Patton, Logan, and Virgil would be going home for the holidays and taking their boyfriends with them. On Christmas morning, their apartment would be empty and the six would be spread out across the state. Because of this, Patton had insisted upon having an early Christmas Eve with his roommates the night before everyone left, complete with a feast and a Secret Santa gift exchange.

After a massive dinner, the roommates gathered around the Christmas tree in their living room, which was lit with rainbow lights and covered in an awkwardly diverse array of ornaments.

"Who wants to go first?!" Patton cheered, making his way through the pile of roommates to the tree.

"Oh, oh, me!" Remus volunteered, shooting his hand up excitedly.

"Alright Remus, yours first. Let's see... Here!" Patton took out a rectangular present wrapped pristinely in matte green wrapping paper. Remus eagerly took the present with a "thank you" and promptly destroyed the neat wrapping. From the wreckage, he pulled out a black book, The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson.

"Oooh," Patton gasped as Remus held the book out gleefully. "That looks... that looks scary, actually. But cool! Alright, now who do you think was your Secret Santa?"

Remus scanned the room, staring into the eyes of everyone around him before finally landing on Logan, who was nuzzled up beside him in a unicorn onesie. "Logan," Remus cooed. Logan smirked, confirming his boyfriend's suspicion. "Aww, yay! Thank you, jellybean!"

"Of course, Remus, I hope you enjoy the book."

"Okidoki!" Patton exclaimed. "Logan, you're up next."

Patton handed Logan a present with the same shape as Remus's, but this time covered in navy blue paper with glittery snowflakes. Patton was just a bit too eager to hand this present over, making Logan suspicious already. He carefully pulled apart the wrapping paper, undoing the taped seams rather than ripping straight through. Roman, who was sitting nearby, tried to reach over and tear the paper for Logan, but Virgil swatted his hand away with a glare. After a minute or so, Logan removed another book.

"Ah. Nevermore by William Hjortsberg. Excellent choice, Patton."

"What?! How did you know?!"

"You're the only one of us who likes glitter. Thank you."

"Aww, you're right. You're welcome. So I guess that means I'm next."

Patton sifted around under the tree and slid out a cardboard box with no wrapping paper, only a light blue bow and a packaging sticker that had been scribbled over in sharpie to block out the name of the recipient. Patton tugged the box open, unraveled a thick layer of bubble wrap with growing curiosity, and finally removed a pink obelisk that was about as long as his hand and half as wide.

"Oh my... Well I certainly know who got this for me!" Patton looked to Janus with a goofy grin, and his boyfriend nodded in confirmation. "Aww, thank you, honeybee. But, um... what is it exactly?"

Janus chuckled. "It's a rose quartz tower. Rose quartz is known as the stone of universal love, so I assumed you'd find it rather useful."

Patton gushed and reached over to give Janus a hug before composing himself just enough to continue handing out gifts. "Janus, here's yours!"

Janus received a shiny gold bag with white tissue paper billowing out from the top. He discarded the tissue paper and looked down into the seemingly empty bag, then pulled out a knitted, pale yellow tube.

"Is this a... a snake sweater?"

Roman let out a squeal as he bounced in excitement. "Yes! Yes, it's a snake sweater, isn't it adorable?!"

"I'm guessing this is yours, then?"

"Well, Virgil helped."

Virgil rolled his eyes and blushed as Roman wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close excitedly. "I just showed him what to do, he's the one who actually made it."

"Wow... this is..." Janus cleared his throat and looked up to Roman with a smile. "Thank you. I'm sure Noodle will love this."

On the side, Logan leaned close to Remus and whispered, "The snake's name is Noodle?"

"Just go with it," Remus shrugged.

"Roman, you're next!" Patton passed Roman a crinkly blob of red and white striped wrapping paper.

"This could honestly be either one of you," Roman laughed, looking between the two remaining gift-givers, Remus and Virgil. Both of them merely shrugged, giving him no hints to work of off.

Roman pulled the wrapping paper off in one swipe, revealing a bundle of fabric. He unfolded it to reveal that it was a red knitted scarf with gold star designs on the ends.

"My gods..." Roman gasped, running his hand over the scarf. "Virgil, this has to be yours."

"You got me," Virgil smirked. He was immediately tackled to the ground, enveloped in a massive hug from Roman. "Roman—" he chuckled. "You're crushing me."

"Sorry, sorry!" Roman climbed off of him and thanked him again.

"Alright, guess I'm last," Virgil sighed. "And Remus is my Secret Santa."

"You got it, kiddo!" Patton passed him a large, thin rectangle wrapped in the same red and white wrapping paper as Roman's present.

"This is somehow even more concerning than I was thinking," Virgil laughed as he cautiously undid the wrapping paper. After a minute of tearing, he revealed a canvas and stood it up in front of himself to inspect. For a moment, he stared at it in complete awe, then clasped his hand over his mouth.

"Remus..."

"Virgil?"

"This is my old bedroom."

Remus smiled as everyone crowded around to see the front of the canvas. It was indeed a painting of a bedroom with black walls and posters hung up all around, a messy bed with three shadowy figures sitting upon it, all painted in violent brush strokes.

Virgil cleared his throat and let out a breathy laugh. "Wow," he chuckled, inciting a tension-breaking laugh from the rest of group. "Rem, this is... it's pretty great."

"Indeed," Janus complimented. "It's shockingly realistic."

"Aww, shucks," Remus replied with a wave of his hand. "Don't mention it."

The rest of the night was spent gawking at each other's presents and exchanging stories of gift-choosing struggles and past Christmases. Slowly, each roommate settled down on the couch or the floor, resting against a significant other. The night closed out in cheerful peace as everyone fell asleep together.