Hҽαtɧҽr 【Sєqυєℓ】 ➸ ᴛᴀᴇᴋᴏᴏᴋ

ƒσυя

❝You wince as I stand there, grasping on her hand
Arm 'round her shoulder but what if you're colder
But I couldn't leave her, I don't deserve either
And when I see you, I almost could cry❞

~✿~

Watching you, looking at me from afar with her, had my heart into pieces but I became helpless and habitual of pretending, thinking it was the best.

Days spent by but everything was still the same, I still thought maybe she and I could be together.

You didn't talk to me even if I would make my way to you, you would always turn around and leave my heart heavy and I would lose my courage to do it again.

I always passed you a smile from afar and you would fake a smile at me too and then I would wish for you to come by, fight me and tell me what you feel about me. I know you missed me too?

Everyone was happy that the holidays were finally here and I was too, hoping to see you again but what happened that night took my reason away.

We celebrated every Christmas together after we became friends seven years ago and this became my first Christmas without you.

I haven't slept well in a while because I missed you more than anything.

I missed our conversations, I missed your smile, I missed going to your place every weekend, I missed your voice and the way you would call me Kookie, I missed giving you chocolate bars and most importantly I missed you and the old us.

I'm running out of time, acting foolish at least give me a clue if you liked me the same or I was still a lost friend to you.

I couldn't confront because I had fear of losing you and now that I already ruined it. If I would wanna come back to you, would you let me be your old friend again?

Now, we were at a friend's house on Christmas Eve. I wanted to celebrate Christmas with you and I knew you would be happy once I would be there and I hoped for things to be alright. I wanted to fix us.

I couldn't reject Jimin's invitation and thought we would unwrap presents together on Christmas day the next day of his party.

When I saw you coming in at Jimin's place, I waved my hand to you but you passed by and it really killed me inside. What I feared happened, I finally lost you.

I thought I would talk to you that night, make things work again because Christmas won't be jolly if I wouldn't have you by my side but I saw from your face, you wanted to treat me the way I deserved.

Jimin's holiday cottage was full of food and lights. There were so many friends of ours around too and I couldn't make a fool of myself by crying on the spot even if I wanted to.

I turned my attention to her and she raised her brows in a questioning manner and I faked a smile, helping her decorate the tree.

She laughed at how I was doing it wrong and I had to fake laughs so she would not get doubtful.

She walked to my side now, sliding her hand into mine to hold and I had to hold it too because she didn't deserve to be left alone.

And now she held my arm, putting it over her shoulder and I embraced her small frame in my arms because I had her in tears a lot of time because of me.

I tried to love her back.

Only if I'd known I was hurting three persons at once, I could've acted sane but when you are lost and stray, only an experience and remorse of a wrong turn guides you back to your right path and I had taken a wrong turn back then.

I smiled at her so she couldn't be filled by all the insecurities again.

I then averted my gaze at you once I felt I was still lacking something and I saw you sitting there all alone and I could almost cry to see your small frame curled on the corner of the couch, your gleaming eyes were on me but you looked away.

I was holding her but what if you were getting colder too? I know you did and I wish I could keep you warm again. And now that if I want to, would you let me?

You looked down, face downcasted as if the glow was gone and I felt so bad. I wanted to go to you, hold you so tightly against my chest.

As soon as she let go of my hand and started greeting other friends, I made my way to you but you already stood.

The crowd was hiding you but once I looked around, you were walking away through the door. I ran to the door, called your name too but you paced your feet and couldn't hear me and I felt warm droplets rolling down my cheeks.

Either you chose to ignore me or my voice couldn't reach your ears.

I closed my eyes. I wanted to cry, scream and tell you I missed you so much but then again I just couldn't because she called my name and I finally showed my real state.

It was neither her fault nor yours but only mine.

"Jungkook?" She asked worriedly, holding my arm.

Tears rolled down effortlessly as I watched her face and then down.

"I, I am so-sorry..."

"But why?"

"I don't deserve you. I'm sorry." And I cried harder this time.

"Jungkook? What are you talking about? Tell me." She demanded but I let her hand go away from my arm.

"I don't think I love you." And she looked at me as if she saw a ghost.

I was trying to make things better but that night I broke two hearts at once.

────✿────

Man this song is really something huh, out of all the total streams of this song, half is mine. I listen it so many times daily. I can't write this book without listening. I'm so fucking addicted to it, someone help me.

Ah, hope you guys enjoyed!