Falling Into Oblivion

Chapter Four

IT HASN'T BEEN a week since the death of Erin Mills and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it, let alone the rest of my life. After seeing the poster pinned up in the school cafeteria, letting the reality of this whole disaster seep into my brain, makes it surreal. How could this have happened? It's uncanny, unreal, next to unbelievable. I can not bring myself to believe that I've caused this to happen.

Regardless if I want it to be true or not, it is! I saw her lifeless body with my own eyes. I moved her with my bare hands and now that everyone's looking for her and aware that she's gone, it makes me want to puke.

The moment we saw what we had done to this poor girl, I was in absolute shock and I still am. I'm just going through the motions but somehow my adrenaline took over out there in the woods and I was determined to do whatever I had to in order to cover our tracks.

I never thought I could be the type of person who could ever do such a thing. On the other hand, I never thought I'd kill anyone either.

Oh my gosh. I've killed someone.

I, Cassandra Reeves killed another human being.

I'm a murderer!

I place my hands on my head, somehow thinking holding my head upright will stop the room from spinning beneath my feet. My legs feel like their going to wobble but instead, my knees lock and I'm frozen stiff. I can't move. I want to but I can't.

Fear twist in my gut and I'm ready to pass out. I need Arsen. I need to talk to him. He will help calm my nerves. He's the only one I can talk to about all of this. His words the night we returned to the cabin echo through my mind. We're in this together. We have each other...

I fish through my pocket for my phone. I dial his number, sending me straight to voicemail.

I want to leave a message but it tells me it's full.

I should have known he wouldn't answer. When does he ever, especially in my time of need?

Instead, I send him a couple text telling him I need to talk but there's no reply.

I bite back a scream.

I've never experienced this level of stress. I'm fairly certain that I'm having an anxiety attack. My hands are sweaty yet, cold. I try to wipe them on my thighs but they won't stop clamming up.

I feel a heavy weight on my chest and grab hold of it to ease the pain but I'm chocking. I do with all my power to take in steadier breathes but I'm gasping. I'm suffocating.

I've got to get out of here.

I stumble out the main entrance but as I step outside I take a deep breath in, wiping the beaded sweat that has formulated on my forehead. I'm struggling to compose myself and still feel dizzy. I extend a hand, trying to find anything within my reach in order to hold myself up but before I have time to find anything to lean against, I trip over my own feet and fall to the frozen cement. By now I've gathered a crowd and wish I can yell at them for staring and not helping but my voice won't emerge from my lungs.

I want to run. I want to disappear. If only my legs functioned.

Someone within the crowd speaks with a panicked voice and I immediately recognize it. I haven't known it for long but there is something about it that seems to calm something deep within me.

"Cassandra! Hey, are you alright?" I hear the snapping of fingers next to my face and ears.

"Hmm?" I mumble, wanting to tell Kaelem I'm not but just need to lay down for a couple minutes.