Turned Pages (SB19 Fanfiction Series)

Part 12.

Sejun's POV

It's been a month since I started training in ShowBT Entertainment. A Korean Entertainment Company who branched out to the Philippines. Based on the contract we signed last January, we will be undergoing on an intensive Korean Idol Training System and will be evaluated quarterly.

Marami kaming magkakasabay na nakapasa. We are almost a hundred. But as per the company, they plan to trim down the trainees to at most 11 people to debut as a group. Pangarap ko ito. Pangarap kong marinig ang mga tao na kinakanta ang mga kantang sinulat ko. This was also my family's dream too. 

And Rodz has been an ever supportive and understanding girlfriend. Nahihiya na nga ako minsan sa sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko, kulang na ang atensyong naibibigay ko sa relationship namin. Just like today. Valentine's day ngayon. We planned na sa apartment nalang ni Rodz kami magdinner since hindi na kami makakakain sa labas dahil 7:30pm ang tapos ng training ko everyday.

It's 7pm already. Usually sa mga oras na ito ay nagpapahinga na lamang kami at nagaayos upang umuwi. But today is different. We have an assessment day weekly at napatapat sa araw na ito. Nakailang ulit na ang grupo namin makuha lamang ang steps ng sayaw na pinagagawa sa amin ni Teacher Hong. I admit. Dancing is not my strength. Marunong naman akong sumunod sa steps. I just feel like since palagi lang ako kumakanta, I can't dance the way my co-trainees dances.

Katulad ni Stell at Josh. Noon palang nakikita ko na silang sumasayaw sa mga KPOP Conventions na naaattendan ko as a volunteer. 

"Paulo, repeat the dance. You have to give it all out." sigaw ni Ms. Hong sa akin.

I'm starting to get pissed off and disappointed with the situation. First of all, it's already 8pm. My girlfriend is probably mad at me for not being able to come on time, for the nth time. Second is this dance. Why can't I do this dance properly? 

I tried to dance the steps again. May halong awa na ang tingin sa akin ni JP, one of my co-trainees. I've been repeating the sequence of the steps for the 12th time but still I can't pass Teacher Hong's assessment. Nahihiya na rin ako sa mga kagrupo ko. Hindi sila makakauwi hanggang hindi ako natatapos dito. 

"That's enough Paulo. Do better next time. If you want to be an idol, you have to dance also. Singing isn't enough." sabi ni Teacher Hong.

"You can't just sing all the time. You have to dance also. Dancing can be trained. Be creative." Sir Charles of ShowBT said.

Be creative. Am I not creative?  Masama ang loob ko sa araw na ito. Bukod sa late na ako sa dinner date namin ni Rodz, this was the first time someone told me I'm not creative. This was the first time na nakaramdam ako ng sobrang pagkapahiya. 

My heart was heavy. I was thinking of something to bring for Rodz. Hindi na ako makakadaan sa convenience store para bumili ng chocolate. While waiting for my jeepney ride, an old lady with a basket of flowers passed by.

"Utoy bili na." sabi ng matanda habang nakangiti. I saw a one-stemmed rose. Since I can't buy any gift or chocolate for rodz, I decided to buy the rose.

Tok. Tok. Tok. I knocked at Rodz' doors. Finally, after this long day I'll get to see my love. Just the rest I badly need. The door swung open and I was greeted by my beautiful girlfriend with a concerned look.

"Hi my Love!" bati ko kay Rodz, handing over to her the one-stemmed rose I bought a while ago. 

She smiled and kissed me on the cheeks. When I entered her apartment, I was greeted by a relaxing smell of flowers and food. Food!  I've realized that I haven't eaten anything since 12pm. And it's 8:30pm already. I slouched at Rodz' sofa, closed my eyes while resting my head on the headboard. Such a tiring day. The teachers' and Sir Charles' voice still echoing in my head. "Be creative".  I was imagining myself explaining to them when I felt a finger straightening my eyebrows. I opened my eyes. It was my girlfriend.

"How's your day love?" sabi ni Rodz sa akin. Dahil sa tanong na yun, bumalik sa akin lahat ng pagkapahiya, pagod, at self-doubt na naramdaman ko kanina. I hugged her instead of answering her question. She hugged me back. I really like Rodz' warm hugs. It feels like home. It feels like she's always there for me even though we're not together. It's a nice feeling when someone believes in you, in what you do. And with that, my tears started to fall. Para akong batang nagsusumbong sa pag-iyak ko. Idinaan ko sa iyak lahat ng frustrations ko for the past few days.