Justify His Murder

The Morning of March 21st

   Sometimes I catch glimpses of myself. They're minuscule, minor memories. But at the same time, they're important. I guess that's all I've been doing; I'm doing all of this to try and find myself. Every hour spent at the gym, every penny spent on weapons, every person I have used up until now have all been for one purpose. I'm going to murder the man who killed a part of me. And maybe it'll come back.

   "Morgan." The soft-spoken lady sitting in front of me brought me back to reality, "I asked what you're planning to do for tonight."

    All of a sudden, I remembered where I was. The dreary beige walls with oddly-shaped water stains, the harsh lights that buzzed softly, and the discolored carpet underneath my sneakers were unmistakable trademarks of my therapist's cheap office. She smiled at me, but her eyes weren't following the message she was trying to send. I'm sure she felt disappointed. It had been months since these sessions had started and here I still was, doing as badly as I had been on the very first day.

   "Tonight?" I cleared my throat.

   "It's March 21st." She nodded and started writing on her notepad.

   "Right...I was planning on just staying home. You know, the usual."

   "That's good. Very good, Morgan. Make sure to just lock up and stay safe, alright? If you need anything, you can call me." She ripped off the piece of paper she was writing on and handed me her number.

   "Thank you." I tucked it in my pocket. Even if she was disappointed, I still liked her. She had kind eyes, a soft brown that looked hazel when the light caught them. And she was nice. She was one of the few people who actually listened to me. That's the only reason I kept coming back.

   "I'll see you next week?" Dr. Miller stood.

     I grabbed my bag from the floor, "I think so, yeah. Uh, you stay safe too tonight. Thanks a lot.".

    She opened the door for me and gave me a half-hug before letting me go. I wanted to say something. This day always made me feel weird. It could be the last time I ever saw Dr. Miller. Either one of us could be dead by tomorrow morning. I could imagine Dr. Miller had a lot of other patients, more violent than I was. Was she scared? I couldn't think of anything to say so I just nodded and kept walking to my car.

   It may sound selfish, but I was more focused on my own battles. Tonight was the night. I wasn't going to stay home this year. I was going to purge for the right reasons. So that he would never hurt anyone again. To prove to myself that justice might still exist. My pep rally was interrupted as I drove out of the parking lot and received a call.

  Sighing, I paired my phone to the car's Bluetooth speaker and answered, "Hello?"

   "Hey, Morgan. What are you doing tonight?" I heard the familiar voice of my coworker.

   "Tonight's the Purge, Sienna. What could I be doing tonight?"

   "Fair, fair. But how about we bunker down together? Movies, snacks, the whole package. Has to beat sitting in fear, right?" She sounded excited.

     I wanted to say yes. Sienna. She was a good friend. I remembered when she picked me up in the middle of the night because my car broke down on the highway. Spending the night with Sienna would be fun, I didn't doubt that. But I couldn't. I needed to get this anger off my chest. I needed to do this to become better.

   "That does sound great. I...I can't though, not tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" I suggested.

   "Wait, why not?"

     I tried to come up with a believable lie, "Remember my aunt...the one with the problems? I've gotta head to her place and spend the night there. She's having like a panic attack or something."

   "Oh...oh, yeah, tomorrow's fine. Be safe tonight." She sounded a bit hurt and I wondered if she bought it.

   "You too, Sienna. Thanks." I hung up and stopped at the red light, hitting my forehead on the steering wheel. I liked Sienna. I had a feeling that Sienna could like me too. Tonight could've been a chance to make something of all the awkward interactions we've had at work. But I tried to clear it out of my head. Sienna deserved better. I nodded. I'd do this and I'd be ready to move on. I'd tell Sienna how I felt and we could be something.

   The light changed and I kept driving. Noticing my low tank, I decided to make a stop at the gas station. Tonight was not the night to be stranded with no gas. I got out and started filling up the tank. I spotted a van a couple of feet away. It made me uneasy, brought back too many memories. Trying to remind myself it was still morning and I had hours until the Purge started, I glanced at the glove compartment where I had a gun waiting.

   "Come on...come on." I quietly pleaded for the pump to hurry up. Gratefully, I paid with the gift card Sienna had gotten me for my birthday last month. I was just putting the pump back when I heard a sound that made the breath get caught in my throat. It was the sound of a car door slowly and deliberately being opened.

    A look over towards the van confirmed my worries. Someone was getting out, and of course, they had to be wearing a full face of makeup. They stared as I rushed to try and finish paying. I grabbed my card and got in my car, locking the doors and closing my window. The person stared and smiled at me as I drove away. It wasn't until I passed them that I noticed the machete hanging effortlessly in their hand.

   Taking deep breaths, I didn't stop driving until I got home. It was time to get ready before I changed my mind again.