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seventeen

I always thought i was writing this story to keep my AJ around, but I realized I write it because when I write something I like I have something to be proud of, now it keeping AJ around was nice, but lowkey nice to see something I'm proud of exist on something rather than in my mind. anyhow chapter 17 here ya go.

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You think that sometimes talking about my feelings for AJ with AJ himself would help him talk about his or at least define what we are, but it doesn't. I'm pretty sure he's noticed I want him to tell me what we are, he says he always notices things easy perks of being a pitcher or whatever, but I think he wants me to ask him. You know he has that thing for physically hearing certain things leave my mouth and it's one of the most annoying things I've ever had to live with.

He really can't make anything easy for me. He really does make me draw out everything for him or I have to make the first move and it's quite terrifying. Maybe because I've never really liked a guy as much as I'm starting to like AJ. Or maybe it's the fact that I've never felt so drawn to someone as much I have him. I feel like I say it to myself every day but I swear to God there's something about him that I can't get enough of. And I don't mean like physically, even though it's nice, there's like actually something about him. There's like a piece of his personality that makes up this vibe he gives off to me when we're alone but also in a room of people that makes me feel like the only person on the planet. I don't even have to be in the same room as him to feel it. I feel it when he calls my name from the kitchen when I'm in my room. I feel it when he's on the field and he looks into the bleachers. I feel it when he texts me during school and we aren't even close to each other. I feel it when he calls me on his breaks at the diner. I'm telling you it's this feeling I get all the fucking time.

"When's the last time you dated someone?" AJ asks me from the other side of the couch. I don't know why we claimed opposite sides of the couch as our spots, but that's kind of what happened. It might have to do with the fact that Annabelle is always sitting between us.

"Huh?"

"Last time you dated someone? Not that deep."

I look up at him from my phone. He's kidding, right? "Uh-"

"There's got to be someone."

"I thought the fact that I never dated someone was obvious."

"I mean just because you didn't fuck anyone doesn't mean you've never dated anyone." 

I shake my head and try to wipe the smile off my face. "No, I've never dated anyone. I didn't even have a first kiss till you."

"What?"

I drop my phone to my lap and stare at AJ, "did you not know that you were a first for a lot of things?"

"I mean I didn't think I was your first kiss." 

"Well surprise."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" 

"The me never being on a date? or me never having a first kiss? or me not sleeping with anyone before you because if the first two weren't obvious I'm like ninety percent sure the last one was obvious when we fucked." 

"One I've had worse. Two you putting it bluntly like that doesn't sit right with me." He says grabbing his water bottle off the coffee table.

"You put it the same way the day after it happened. How do you think I felt?"

"Not swell." He says taking a sip out of his water and then putting it back on the table.

"Obviously not."