8:43am
It's weird how one moment you can be crying from laughter and the next with sadness.
3:27pm
I told my mum I was gonna take some painkillers to get rid of my stomach ache and she told me I didn't have to tell her because she trusted me not to overdose. If only she knew what thoughts plagued my mind.
4:06pm
I am what depression looks like.
4:42pm
I've had enough of the people I hang around with. Or maybe I've just had enough of people. Or life. Or maybe the death that invades my mind. I've just had enough of something and I don't know what it is.
9:19pm
I purged again today and cut again. But when don't I cut? I also tried to strangle myself with a scarf. i knew I wasn't going to kill myself otherwise I would've got in a bath and took a few too many pills but I don't have the guts to do that right now. Maybe one day. No, I just wanted to feel the pain of what it would feel like to strangle yourself. The thing is, it's the second time I've done this and at first it wasn't what I expected. I thought it would stop me breathing but you can breath fine. It's the blood that gets cut off I'm guessing. You can feel your pulse for some reason and can feel it when you swallow against the scarf. Your face goes purple/grey. It looks horrid. It looks dead. Your lips go red and your eyes, bloodshot. This time there was a ringing in my ears that wasn't there last time. Maybe it's because this time I was braver and did it for longer because I wanted to be closer to death. It's like something from a nightmare, yet for me, also a dream. You go light headed and your eyesight fogs and blackens and afterwards you have red marks on your neck, a pain in your throat and a killer headache and you miss the pain and the darkenss, You miss the death. At least I did.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary... *January 2015*
Non-FictionThat's the difference between you and me, you defended yourself from the depression like it was a new enemy, where I welcomed it like a new friend. Just the thoughts of a English teenager.
