It's All Lies, Darling.

22. "I won't do this to you."

Chapter XXI

• "I won't do this to you." •

•<><><>•

Why have we grown, as humans, to fear death?

Most are afraid of how they are going to die. They don't want to endure pain and suffering. Ask anyone and ninety percent will say they wish to die peacefully in their sleep so they won't feel anything, and they won't know. They'll just be gone.

But why?

Is it because we're afraid of what we won't be able to accomplish after we've perished? Is it because we don't want our loved ones to be hurt?

I'll tell you right now, I've never feared dying. Not once. There have been times where I knew committing myself to suicide would end all of the pain and dread. Why didn't I do it? I have not one clue.

I didn't care if it was painful; pain is temporary.

I didn't care to leave my loved ones behind, because even though they'll be sad for a while, they're better off without me.

And accomplishments? I have nothing to achieve; I never have. My life was empty, and blank. Fear colored the pages.

Death is quiet; peaceful. Living is the scary part.

So when my vision was blacking out, and Amon's face was nothing but a blur, I welcomed freedom into my grasp and felt my chest lighten, even though my lungs were compressed and struggling to breathe.

I was happy. For once I was glad to see where I was going.

A part of me died that moment -- a big part. A part I'll never be able to get back.

It was my control, and my desire to keep true to myself. I lost it all, right then and there. Even though I no longer belonged to Amon, he still had complete power over me, and could do anything he wanted even though his mark had vanished.

He ruled my life, I still belonged to him even if things were superficial -- even if Morax was conceived as a good person twice. One when he was masked as my true love, and a second when he didn't even hide himself from me. What did I let myself do?

"You have no RIGHT," Amon flew from me and his hands released the tension on my throat.

I was disappointed when life was flooded back into me after my windpipe was revived. I shot up, sputtering and choking as the air filled my burning, aching lungs. Choking, I get a grip and straighten out my blurred vision to see Morax getting up from the floor after he knocked Amon off of me.

Instant tears sprang to my eyes, but it was only because he made me live. He saved a spoiled, rotten life, and for what? So he could torture me some more. I know he liked the way I saw him; still caught up in my feelings for Nathan: A man who was obviously not real, and never was. Yet my mind still has this pitiful hope that things can change; that maybe Nathan magically turns out to be real, and to love me and take me away from all that's happening.

I really was insane.

"You ill-fated coward," Amon rasped, grabbing ahold of Morax and slamming him against my bedroom wall. The room shook, vibrating his strength all over the house. I sat in my bed, still recovering from almost dying. Man, I wish I would've.

"She is mine now," Morax grunts as Amon squeezes his throat in his hand. "You cannot touch her anymore."

"HA!" Amon booms and throws Morax to the side like it was nothing. He stamps a foot over his chest and scowls down to him with disgust. "You must've forgotten how powerful I am, and how weak you are. You half-blooded peasant," he spits, slamming his foot harder. "I should end you right now,"