You Can't Always Get What You Want {Kyman} || (SLOW UPDATES)

LUCIDITY

Kyle, Kyle! What on earth did you do? You made a huge mistake?

What? Who's there?

That isn't important. What's important is that you can't tell him your secret!

Who can't I tell?

You cannot let Eric know about the feelings you have deep inside yourself.

Shut up! Get out of my head! Don't tell me what to do! I did it already. Who am I talking to?

It's me, Kyle. It's the person who you know best. It's not Stan, or Eric, or Kenny. It's someone deeper and closer to you.

Get the FUCK out of my head! Why can't I see anything? Why is it pitch black?

You want light? You want to see? You want to witness the horrors you've brought upon yourself?

I want to see SOMETHING, mainly whoever is talking to me! You are messing with my consciousness! I demand to see you now!

I can't show you that Kyle. Just believe. Think. Listen to your heart. I am not a physical being, but you know who I am. I am warning you, Kyle. You have brought a big mistake upon yourself, telling Eric your secret. You messed it up for the both of us.

The both of us? How did I mess it up for you? And nothing even happened! He was supportive!

I know he was. I was there with you all along when it happened. But he is faking. He lied. Now listen, listen. You want to see? You shall see. You shall see the horrors that your confession has brought, and how your life will slowly deteriorate around you. Kyle, I was warning you. I believed in you. I respected your decision to tell Kenny and of course, Stan. But why would you tell the man who you love? Why do you love him in the first place? What caused this infatuation?

I'm trying to still figure that out myself. If you're mystical, and all-knowing, how come you aren't giving me the answers to these questions?

I cannot answer them, Kyle. I am not mystical. I am just here to question your motives. This was your mistake, and I cannot account for it.

It wasn't a mistake. It was the right thing to do.

Very well. If you believe that, then you shall now be able to see. I grant you the power of light.

Instantly, it was bright. There was no face to match to the voice. Instead, there were images I have never seen before, images of my life crumbling down below me.

Look, Kyle. Look to your left.

I did what I was told. I looked to my left. There was an image of me, crying, with a bouquet of wilted flowers in my hand, on a doorstep. I couldn't tell which house it was. I was much older and was dressed in a tuxedo, which led me to assume that this was my high school prom.

Who is that? Is that me?

Yes, that is you. Eric made you cry. He does not repress your same feelings. He is going to hold it against you.

FUCK YOU! THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!

Do not raise your voice. This is a time where you can be alone, where you can think, where you can fix your mistakes. We can talk here,
privately. Express your frustrations. This is your space to freely speak.

Right, I'm gonna speak to a mysterious voice that I can't see.

You cannot physically see me. But I am your best friend. I have known you your whole life. I know what is best for you. I am telling you that you made a mistake.

Stan, I swear to god–

No. I'm not Stan. Kyle, look deeper into yourself. I already expressed that I am not a physical embodiment. I am not any of your friends or family. I am a part of you.

Bullshit. I only have one voice.

That's only while you're awake. This is the dream world now, Kyle. Anything is possible here. And I invited you here tonight, to speak with you, to discuss your future, to warn you.

But there's nothing to warn me of. I'm fine! Yes, Cartman knows I'm gay, but he doesn't know that he's the one who I'm in love with!

He doesn't know that yet, Kyle. But once he does find out, and he doesn't recuperate the same feelings as you, he will turn your life into a bigger nightmare than this is.

You said this was a dream.

Up until now, yes, it WAS a dream. But you had to be difficult and ask too many questions and ruin everything for the both of us. You have singlehandedly destroyed your friendship with Eric, lost respect from everyone you know, and ruined your life.

Shut up. End this now. Shut the FUCK up. You don't know how I feel. I have no inner demons to be struggling with. Telling Cartman was the best thing I've done. This isn't a time where I have to worry about being arrested or charged for my orientation. It's the twenty-first century. I am free to love who I want. Now please, I am fucking BEGGING you. Get me the FUCK out of here.

I heard a sigh from The Conscience. He supposedly knew what was best for me. I knew what he wanted. It was more of his body than mine, and he wanted to assert dominance by telling me that. He doesn't care about me, he only cares about himself. He cares that I told Cartman and fears for the future, believing that it will change how he perceives me. He wants me to know that telling Cartman that I was a homosexual wasn't a mistake or an accident. It was a proposal to begin a new lifestyle where I would be prejudiced by someone who was none other than my friend, my enemy, and somehow, my lover.

Very well. You may leave.

The Conscience snapped his invisible fingers, and below me was a portal. I started falling, screaming, gripping for something that could take me out of my false reality. In the real world, I was screaming at myself to wake up, kicking and shifting around to get myself to rise from this torturous slumber. While falling, I was terrorized by visions of Cartman when we were kids. Multiple instances of him calling me a jew, him cursing at me, and the worst, a fight that we had when we were twelve when he wished death upon my family, and then on me. I started thinking and wondering if I made a mistake and The Conscience was correct. I shook off these feelings as I continued falling. Looking down, I saw that there was a light, leading me to a familiar bed in a familiar hotel room, and I jolted awake in a cold sweat.

I sat up and gasped, reaching for my bottle of water on the side table. Cartman was still sound asleep, which relieved me that I never woke him in my panic from my nightmare. I knew that The Conscience was only doing it to trick me into destroying my friendship with Cartman. He did not want to see me happy. He only wanted me to suffer. There was no way that the visions that I were showed would happen. All of the repressed memories that we're brought up were solely to trick me into loving someone else. But I couldn't happen. I struggled with The Conscience often. I was so stupid to not realize that it was him who was talking to me the entire time. We were at a constant war with each other. He was my own worst enemy. I learned though, that he would not get me this time.

This time, I won.