Ever After

Lull

6 months later

It had become a tradition between Seri and her mother to have a pre-Christmas meal together. Just the girls. Ah, what young Seri would have given to know that she would be sitting here one day, Seri thought. It was a tasteful Japanese restaurant this year. They sat in a private room, elegantly decorated, and guaranteed to keep curious ears away.

"I heard that you went on a date the other night," Seri's mother commented.

"Heard?" Seri scoffed, with a good-natured smile.

"Alright, I read it in the gossip columns."

"And here I thought you were above those things."

"It would be strange not to check when my friends message me to say my daughter is in the news."

"Yes omma," Seri relented. "I did. And I'm sure you also saw that it was no one special."

Since leaving Jeong-hyeok at Shanghai 6 months ago, Seri had had plenty of time to think.

At first, as was her tendency to do, her mind sank into the murkiest of fogs. She retreated into her apartment whenever she wasn't at work and sat on the sofa staring at nothing while she relived her mistakes in her head. When she got tired of that, she began to compare their farewells. This has to be the worst one, Seri had concluded as she assessed the mound of tissues and the row of soju bottles in front of her. It was the worst because she felt entirely in the dark. Even the longest of long-distance couples could still communicate with each other. Jeong-hyeok had disappeared into the black hole of his home country.

Once they had all returned to Seoul, Agent Ko had contacted her one more time. They had met in their usual café.

"The plan to extricate Kim Sung-min failed," Agent Ko had informed her, not meeting her eyes.

Seri had also cast her eyes downwards to look at the dark swirl of her coffee. She was thinking about the young man she had gotten to know over the last two years during classical music events: his bright naivety which had reminded her too much of Eun-dong, his eager demeanor, his potential.

"I had everything arranged – transport, a safehouse, all the papers. But they had the orchestra on lockdown, and members ended up taking an earlier flight back home. We aren't sure what happened to him after that..."

Yes, being in the dark was the worst. Seri had wondered if Jeong-hyeok had been praised or reprimanded for reporting on the informant. She had wondered if he, too, felt guilt for the young man's fate. She had wondered what he was doing at that very moment.

Pressing a palm against the tears in the corner of her eye, Seri had nodded for Agent Ko. "Thank you for telling me. I know you didn't have to. And... I'd like to take this opportunity to let you know that I will no longer be working with the NIS." She had spared a watery grin for the agent then. "I've realised I'm not Bond girl material."

She had felt the agent's gaze flickering across her face. Assessing to see how he could convince her otherwise? Checking that she was alright? Seri hadn't been sure. After a minute, he had echoed her smile. "You think too little of yourself, Yoon Seri ssi. But I understand. The NIS won't be in touch any longer." He had held her gaze as he stood. "If you need anything, you know how to reach me."

Maybe in another life, Ko Jun-young ssi, Seri had thought as she stood and bowed farewell to him. But I've tied my heart too tightly to him to undo the knot now.

The months bled from summer to autumn. The State Symphony Orchestra of DPRK no longer had any international tours scheduled for the rest of the year. Although her darkest fears would drift loose once in a while – his or his father's enemies have used the informant incident to bring the family down; he's been restricted from travelling outside the country ever again; he's sitting in a prison somewhere, alone – Seri managed to tamp them down by focusing on Seri's Choice.

She endured the bodyguards and the extra security which Team Manager Hong had insisted on hiring.

She finally made time to learn how to cook decent meals.

She often spent nights at the office, for fear of confronting the loneliness of her bed.

She introduced a new development team that would begin the arduous work of expanding Seri's Choice into the European market.

And yes, she went on a date, just out of curiosity. And yes, because the loneliness had become too overwhelming.

"He was someone I met through work. A younger guy."

Seri's mother chuckled at that, looking at her with wide mock-surprised eyes. "Jinjja? I can imagine you enjoying being someone's noona though."

"Omma! I only saw him once. I doubt I'll see him again."

All she had been able to see was what he lacked. He wasn't solemn enough. He wasn't funny enough. His smile was too wide. He didn't hold the door open for her the right way. He didn't look at her the same way. Seri had ended up feeling even lonelier than before her date.

"I'll be spending two weeks in Switzerland in January," Seri said, towards the end of the meal.

Her mother put her spoon down. Seri couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Really, Seri-ya?" she finally said, barely louder than a whisper. Seri looked up to see tears glimmering in her mother's eyes. "After all this time? Are you sure he'll be there this time?"

Seri shook her head with a rueful smile. "I'm not sure. But I can hope."