nothing i wont do anymore

lover slain

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, August 1972.

Narcissa was miserable. Not even the escape of school was doing much to lift her spirits. Maybe it was because she had no spirits left to lift. Some of the girls in her dorm had tried talking to her, asking her what she could possibly be so upset about all the time, but she didn't know what to tell them.

She just started with the easiest, most age appropriate answer. It was her first year at Hogwarts without Lucius. He had graduated the year before and was now working in the Ministry, something Narcissa was very proud of. He had assured her he was talking with her father regarding an official engagement, but that could not be finalised until she had finished her seventh year. Being here without him stung more than Narcissa had anticipated. She had never been at Hogwarts completely and utterly alone before. Sure she had her cousins here (with Regulus being newly sorted into Slytherin) but even so, before she had always had her sisters or Lucius to turn to.

And then there was the issue of her sister. Andromeda. It pained Narcissa to think of. The events of that summer swirled around in her head on a constant loop. Her parents yelling, 'Dromeda screaming back, the flurry of fabric, Bella's screeching laugh and Narcissa's own tears. Andromeda had been banished. From their family entirely. She was burned off the family tree, everyone was forbidden to mention her. Anything she left in her room had been destroyed- Narcissa had tried to take a sweater to remember her by. That was the first time her father had ever laid a hand on her. He shook her and hit her face, demanding why she wanted to keep anything belonging to a filthy blood traitor.

'Because she's my sister!' Narcissa had wanted to scream back at him, but she could not. She relinquished the jumper and just watched as every memory of her older sister was destroyed. She had thought that returning to Hogwarts would be a welcome relief, but she was very, very wrong.

She often found herself in the library at meal times. It was the only place where people didn't try to talk to her. Students and teachers alike, always coming to check in, to see what she was eating or reading and offering their ears. Narcissa didn't want their sympathy or pity. She wanted her sister and no one could give her that.

Her distraction led to her growing thinner, easily tired and distracted. She found herself looking at the same chip in the desk for an entirety of a potions class with no idea in the slightest what Slughorn was talking about. Luckily for her, her friends were kind enough to share their notes. Regan especially. She knew not to pry but to help Narcissa in any way she could. It did not go unnoticed.

Regan had been the one to insist Narcissa come with her on the first Hogsmead trip of the year. Narcissa would have much preferred to spend her Sunday in bed but Regan would not relinquish.

"Cissa you must come!" she begged. "The air will do you a world of good, and I want to see the skirt I got for you at Christmas time in the sun."

Narcissa sighed. "I don't know Regs, I don't think I'll manage it."

"We can just go, have a pumpkin juice, get some sweets and come home if that's all you're up to. I give you my word of honour. I just- it makes me so sad seeing you cooped up in here, I miss you so when I so alone."

Narcissa looked at her face and surrendered. "Oh alright, stop pouting. I'll get dressed."

Regan squealed and held onto Narcissa's hand happily, her dark curls bouncing around her face. "Cissa, you're the best!" she said.

Narcissa smiled in a half-hearted sort of way and went to get her appearance in order.

And at 11 O'Clock the group of Slytherin girls were walking down the path to Hogsmeade. Narcissa had promised Regulus that she would bring him back some sweets. She hoped that by making such a promise she would be unable to leave early in fear of disappointing him.