Tori|
Jade falls asleep before I do. She's facing me with her lips slightly parted in a tiny 'o' shape with her hair spiraling upward across the pillow. Her hands are pressed together and shoved beneath her head, cradling it, and I can hear the soft sound of her exhales as I watch the side of her torso rise and fall.
We were up talking for a long time. The red numbers on the bedside table behind her tell me it's nearly two in the morning. She drifted off somewhere around fifteen minutes ago, but up until then, we had spent the majority of the evening hours exhaling secrets across my sheets. Her eyes were a dim green and heavily lidded, words soft and she even giggled a few times. It was a private moment and now that it's passed and she's fast asleep, I kind of can't believe it actually happened, that the ice queen melted just for me.
Without thinking too much about it, I extend one hand and brush a loop of black hair off of her forehead. My fingertips linger on her warm skin a moment too long and I jerk it back almost violently. I bury my hand under the blankets and twist so my back is to her, staring at the wall on the other side of the room.
Something is swelling in my chest. Something dangerous, I'm sure.
I don't notice I'm chewing my lip until the sharp, metallic taste of blood soaks on my tongue. Grinding my teeth, I press my face into my pillow.
I've had plenty of friends my whole life. I don't say it to honk my own horn, but people have always seemed to like me. I know what it feels like to have friendship - warm and comforting and sweet, like what I've built with Cat and Andre. I like spending time with them, they make me happy, and I know I can trust them and rely on them whenever I need to.
I also know what it feels like when I have a crush.
Turning my head to the left, I peek out at the sleeping Jade next to me. Her lips have closed. I can see the balls of her eyes flickering back and forth beneath the lids. Jade always has these stern lines to her expression, even when she's smiling, but in sleep, everything is smoothed out and relaxed. I wonder what she dreams about, if it's of Beck, or what stars in her nightmares - maybe that's Beck, too.
My eyebrows screw over my nose. I do not have a crush on Jade, I tell myself firmly before promptly shoving my face back into my pillow. I'm just overwhelmed with ... feelings. This wouldn't be the first time that I mistook friendly emotions as something more. When I first transferred to Hollywood Arts and I started hanging out with Andre, I thought I might have liked him more than a friend. It took me a while to understand that it was just because he was my first real friend at the new school and we got along so well. Now I couldn't possibly imagine being Andre's girlfriend - our friendship means too much to me and I'm not his type of girl. This is the same thing - Jade is finally being kind to me, we've finally established something not based on contempt. I'm just looking into it way too much, that's all.
Nodding to myself, I close my eyes and relax. No crushes here, just friends. With Jade. That's all. Not complicated and totally platonic.
Convinced, I fall asleep, and I dream of green eyes and red stoplights.
The sun crawls over the sky and chases the night away. I wake up when my arm sweeps across the other side of the mattress and I don't feel a body. My eyes snap open almost immediately, just like they did the morning before when Jade wasn't in my bed. Rational thought swims slowly back to me. I remember that she had risen early to shower and that she was probably doing so right now. Blinking, I bring my fists to my eyes and rub them, shifting myself into a sitting position. It's then that a voice filtering in from my opened door. I dismiss it as Trina's before I start listening more closely, frowning somewhat as I detect a sleepy tone that is undeniably Jade's.
