Tori|
I wait until Jade is distracted - and what with Cat babbling at a hundred miles an hour about how we're all together again, and Andre's new love interest making her rounds about our knit of friends, it doesn't take too long. When she's sufficiently wrapped up in Cat and the others, I find Beck's elbow and give it a tug. He looks at me first with something dangerously close to contempt. I immediately recoil, thinking maybe I'm doing all of this too soon, but then Beck's face relaxes and he's touching the back of his neck, frowning.
"Sorry," he says, a finger dipping under the collar of his white t-shirt. "I'm not mad at you."
"The death glare I just received says otherwise," I try to joke, but it just comes out flat. I cross my arms and shrug. "You have every right to be mad at me."
"No I don't." He meets my eyes. Despite his words, his frown only grows deeper. "I broke up with her. I don't get to make decisions for her." There is a touch of regret in his voice as he shifts onto his other foot, shaking his head. "It's whatever, really. I'll get over it."
I don't know what to say. What do you say to your friend when you start dating their ex? Thinking it like that makes it sound gross and wrong. My eyes look over toward Jade, dressed in gorgeous black, feigning interest in whatever Cat is going on about. She catches my eyes, her dark green ones shadowed over by the dim lighting of the Karaoke Dokie, and gives a slight twinge of a smile before she looks to Beck. Something unreadable passes over her face and then she's tearing her attention back to Cat and shifting uncomfortably.
"Well, I understand if you, like, want to keep your distance. Or whatever." I wasn't being particularly articulate so I just shut my mouth and stared at my open toed shoes, frowning.
"I miss her," he tells me, and when I look up he gives a slight shake of his head. "Not us, I guess, just." He shrugs, looking to me. "I mean, you obviously know how great she can be."
"Yeah," I agree, my tongue heavy in my mouth. I do know how great Jade is and I'm not stupid enough to throw her away like he did. I look toward Jade again and think, almost possessively, that she's my girlfriend now. I almost tell Beck that, this unfamiliar surge of jealously building up in my throat. He had his chance and he blew it and that wasn't my fault. I push it away - I'm not that kind of person. Besides, I do like Beck, and I can't imagine what he's feeling right now. "I guess I don't understand," I say, chewing the inside of my cheek when he looks at me again, eyebrows down. "Why you broke up with her, I mean."
"I've already told you," he replies. "She's closed in. I was tired of waiting around for her to open up. You'll see what I mean soon enough, I'm sure."
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. The sense of dread in my chest is so heavy I can't form words, so I touch his arm and try to give him a reassuring smile. "Well, I hope that isn't the case."
Beck's smile isn't so comforting, and soon I'm moving away from him because I don't know what else to do. He gravitates toward Robbie and I find Jade's wrist, her skin cool as I tug her forward.
"Was that as awkward as you imagined it?" Her smile is tight-lipped - she keeps looking over at Beck, eyes sad.
"Definitely." I squeeze her hand until she looks at me, finally holding her gaze for more than a few seconds. "I want to be friends with him. I want us all to be friends."
Jade shrugs. I know she likes to pretend that Andre and Cat and even Robbie mean little to her, but I know she likes having friends as much as the next person. She just doesn't enjoy showing it. "People grow apart when shit like this happens. He should have expected this. It's never going to be the same." Her tone is heavy. She looks at me and frowns, her hand sliding up my arm and ending at my elbow. "But I'm okay with that. I have you."
