Tori|
Saturday slugs by at a glacial pace. More than once my hand scoops up my phone, determined to end this nonsense, to tell Jade that I don't care about the growing feelings – that they may not even be real – and we should just hang out and talk as much as we want because we can, because it makes us happy.
But another determination trumps it, at least for the time. I need to prove to not only Jade that I can function without her, but to myself. I've never been bothered having to rely on people or opening up to those I think are worth it, but this urgency I have for Jade – this absorbing need to be with her all the time borders on something I don't know the name of and don't know how to describe.
Again, I am reminded about how I feel when I have a crush on someone. I shove the thought away. That's why this day off is necessary. I need to clear my head and sort out exactly how I feel about Jade.
Andre comes over and we eat lunch together. He plays me a new song he's writing and I can't help but think he was inspired by the troubles I confessed to him yesterday. The lines "you're a nice girl behind a scary mask, if you want me to take it off, all you have to do is ask" makes me raise my eyebrows at him, but he only grins and keeps playing.
I feel like I'm looking at the clock on my phone every five minutes. Noon passes. One. Despite all of the distractions around me – Andre, his music, his conversation – I can't stop my revolving thoughts; Jade, Jade, Jade -
"How many times are you going to check the time?"
I drop my phone into my lap and give a rough sigh. In the kitchen, Trina is making a sandwich ridiculously loudly, upset that I wouldn't make her own. I give Andre an apologetic look. "I must look like a jerk."
"No. You look smitten." Andre grins, this fingertips gliding over the strings. "C'mon. Let's sing about it."
Rolling my eyes, I sit up. "My feelings –" I stop. No. I don't have feelings for Jade. Right? That's what I'm supposed to be doing today … right? "Jade can't be condensed into a song. It would take an album."
"Would it?" He's smirking.
I shake my head. Moving from my couch to sit beside him, I settle my fist into his shoulder. "Well then, oh great songwriter. What should I sing?"
He ponders a moment, the dark skin of his fingers sliding over thick braids before his face brightens. Andre knows music on a level I can only ever hope to one day glimpse. Music speaks to me, certainly, and I'm passionate about it, but I can't make music like he can. The music he knows is much more personal. "I've got it," he finally says, readjusting his guitar. Trina stomps up the stairs behind us, giving me one last glare before she disappears. "You should know it. Here."
I know the song within a few short notes. It's an acoustic version but unmistakable. I stare at Andre for a moment before taking a deep breath and giving in.
I've got something to say to you
Yeah, I've got something to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping 'em here and it makes no sense at all
Andre is pressing his lips together as hard as he can, knowing he's found a song that's practically perfect for our situation. I mean, if I had feelings for Jade. Which I don't. I don't think. Maybe.
If you want to play it like a game
Well come on, come on, let's play
'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
The music thrums with my heart strings. My voice grows softer, coming out from somewhere inside of me that's not a physical place.
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
