I Always Smile, But Is It Always Real?✅

part 5

Minho pov: It hurts, but it will atleast distract me from the pain in my heart.

I hate myself, seeing how weak and useless I am makes me feel angry. I need to punish myself, for being such a loser. I deserve it.

Self harm ahead:::::

Minho had a deep cut in his skin right below his elbow. He felt satisfied. So he got up and cleaned it and washed the knife and the floor.

He bandaged it and went to sleep.

Safe, trigger over

Next morning:

Minho had only one thing on his mind, staying away from his parents' sight and avoid them as much as possible.

Minho didn't want to see his parents. Not after what happened the day before.

Flashback :  "What is this Minho?" Yelled his father while showing him the results the test Mr. Park had showed 4 days back.

Minho said nothing. " I am asking you something? " "Why are you not studying huh? All you do is put on some stupid songs and dance all day". Minho's father scolded.

" Do you even listen to the lessons taught in the class " His father yelled.

"Yes" Minho answered timidly while crying.

"Then why the hell would you score such low marks in exams. Especially physics" . His father questioned him with pure anger in his eyes.

"Your rank is 30. What is your class strength?" "It is 48 "answered Minho while crying.

"In every section the last 15 rankers are useless ones who can never become anything in life. That means even even you are useless" said his father .

Minho was hurt. He wanted his parents to tell him that he wasn't useless. But here they were doing the exact opposite.

" It is just that I am slow and the time was insufficient for me" Minho reasoned.

" I don't think you can answer all of the questions even now. Even if I give you the whole day. You like Chemistry right , you scored less marks even in that subject" said his father making the poor boy break down.

Minho was a crying mess but his father didn't care a bit. His mother did or said nothing.

She just wore a disappointed look on her face. That made Minho's condition even worse.

Mention of abuse :

"You are becoming just like your brother. That bastard never listned to us so we had to hit him every day to get him under control. Looks like you have forgotten how I used to thrash him when he scored less marks and behaved recklessly."

Minho's eyes widened at his father's words. He remembered the way their father almost hit Taeyong every day. Taeyong wasn't just hit normally , he was thrashed every day with belt.

Taeyong was a rebel who didn't study properly sometimes and did what he wanted unlike Minho who was a simple kid who  always listened to his parents and studied properly.

Taeyong had always wanted to be an idol but their parents were against it. So he left the house and went to SM to become a trainee. He became one but he never came to visit them. 8 months had passed sice that incident.

His father was holding his head and asked him again with irritation in his voice " Why are you not studying? "

" You are such a disappointment , I expected more from you Minho. But here you are not even trying a bit " said his father.

"I- I t-try bu-but" Minho tried to talk while sobbing uncontrollably .

"But what? Answer me!" Screamed his father.

"But I can't d-do it. Every time I don't get a problem I feel l-like crying. I control myself and try o-other o-ones but when I don't get them too and I feel like crying'' answered Minho. That was the truth.

"Why won't you get them if you listen to the class?" Scolded his father. 

That was the moment Minho felt that his parents weren't an option for emotional support anymore. All they were concerned was about his marks but not the emotional stress he was going through.

He got hurt and decided that he would never tell his parents, about his struggles,never.

Yes his father was right. He didn't listen to the classes properly but that was not all. Even if he listened he never got the confidence to complete his assignments without crying .

"Look at your cousin Mark you both are pretty close right? he wasn't a bright student but now he is in the top 10 rankers . You used to be the first ranker but now I wouldn't be surprised if you get the last rank" yelled his father .

"It is all because of that stupid dancing , why do you even dance?" Yelled his father.

" I l-like dancing. I l-love-

"If you  are thinking that I would let you become a dancer then forget it. Our family is only meant for studying. And about your brother he will learn his mistake and study Medicine soon.  " Said his mother seriously.

Minho's world shattred he thought that his mother understood him. But he pitied himself for assuming that because even she was against his brother becoming an idol.

Minho pov : no one understands me. I am a disappointment . I hate myself so much  I hate myself for being so weak. I disappointed my parents , I can't .

Well you know the rest .

Bck to present: He left his house early so he wouldn't have to see his parents.

At school:

Mr. Park looked at him while smirking which didn't go un noticed by Minho. He just chose to ignore it. His class was over.

Later they had PE . All of his friends were there.  Felix and Jisung were doing something dumb again. Hyunjin was being dramatic idiot he is infront of Suengmin and Jeongin. Chan was jumping around. Changbin was being teased for being short by kai and Yeonjun.

Some of them turned around and asked him to join them which he immediately refused with a fake smile. He went to a corner and closed his eyes.

He felt left out. He felt lonely.